HAH! There once was this guy who had the ability to rip off both of his
own legs with one finger. So he was walking down to the feed store one
day, ripping off both of his legs with each step and then putting them
back on before his torso plummoxed on the sidewalk and ooshed blood all
over his shorts and all that. He was kind of involved, because it takes a
lot of concentration to do this trick just right, and so he didn't notice
when Godzilla came out from behind a tree and knocked one of his legs
into Montana and the other into the Gulf of Mexico with one swish of his
tail. He just lay there on the ground diddling his finger in the empty
space where his legs once were and thinking he was still walking along.
Now Godzilla was a friendly chap, and into saving the universe from giant
robots and all, and when he saw the accidental tragedy that he caused, he
decided to be a nice guy and buttfuck the guy to make him feel better.
But just as he was about to, a horde of ants in the shape of peanut
holders with giant washing machines for antennae started coming out of
the ground, swarming all over Godzilla and starting to eat off his legs
and dick. He had to call for an emergency. So he went over to a
telephone and tried to call the Maytag Superman which is the main Maytag
Repairman that the Conspiracy Media doesn't tell you about, and who can
fly and shoot prana beams, Maytag Repair Vibes and tantric sex waves from
his earholes. But unfortunately, Godzilla's fingers were way too big to
hold the receiver and in fact ripped the entire telephone booth in half
by touching it. He didn't get to call the repair superman, and the evil
Washing Ants were still eating off his dick and legs, and buttfucking him
from behind. He started screaming and breathing fire all over the place
and knocking down houses and buildings, and making power plants explode
and thousands of people get mooshed, all because the pain from his tender
body parts being eaten off was so incredible. Of course the mayor
predictably called the National Guard, but that was their special Having
Sex With Preadolescent Girls day, and by union regulations they never
came. So Godzilla got so mad that he ripped the dick off of Father Time
himself, thus heralding the beginning of the present Time of PeE. Now
Father Time was really pissed off about this to say the least, so he
started remote controlling his dick to penetrate all of Godzilla's facial
orifices.
Meanwhile, the guy from the beginning was noticing that his legs wasn't
where they were supposed to be. So he started dragging himself along the
ground using his arms, in hopes that his legs were around someplace where
he could find them and put them back on. But a hundred little black kids
were doing one of their Fire Hydrant Experiments in the neighborhood, and
started playing a game where one team would knock him across the street
with a fire hose, and then the other team would knock him back to the
original team's side and so on, there being four such teams which
pluytzed him thus about in a squarelike formation while all the rest of
the kids who were not on any teams did tap-dances on his face and arms.
In the same neighborhood, there was an animated flying Torpedo Slack
Machine, with a zillion little prehensile spaghetti tendrils that could
snatch things from 35 feet away in less than one second. It was trying to
find out where the forehead of Hitler was buried, and making the entire
city into swiss cheese in the process as it poocked through all the
buildings, stopping in each individual room for 1 nanosecond to see if
Hitler was there and then moving on in its Sacred Mission. It went into a
room where this fat guy was watching TV, talking on the telephone, baking
cookies, masturbating, writing a novel, reorganizing the Maketric
Supplicants, examining his dick with a magnifying glass to see if there
were any Snurgs on it, and having a really bad headache all at the same
time. When the fat guy saw the Torpedo Slack Machine, he thought it was
Jesus and started praying to it and asking for forgiveness, while still
doing all of the other things he was already doing as well as chasing the
Machine out of his house with a broom, because nobody interrupts Monday
Night Football. His wife Matilda The Unclean came in from where she was
buttfucking the kids in the living room, and when she saw these goings-on
she started knitting a sweater, gossiping to the neighbors via telepathy,
vacuuming the little Horror Mites out of the air with a cybernetic vacuum
that she had attached to her hip, scolding her husband for masturbating
when the kids were in the other room instead of masturbating all over the
kids, thinking of what she wanted her dream house to look like, shooting
purple and green pasta out of every pore, growing large horns out of her
forehead (each of which had 99 little gibbering faces which sang a
gibberish version of The Spirit Of "Bob" Like a Fire Is Burning), sending
faxes to various corporations that her husband was a dildo-head, and
sucking on the torpedo as if it were a giant dick. The Torpedo, which
only had mechanized intelligence, did not know what to make of this
scenario, and flew up through the roof of the house into the
stratosphere. The husband went to grab his jetpack, but his house had too
many holes in it from the torpedo and Godzilla, and it collapsed on him,
crushing him and the kids to death. 110 mexican kids from across the
street immediately raided the house and started buttfucking the man and
his kids.
Meanwhile, 100000000 miles above the earth's surface, the wife started
burning up from traveling to fast through the stratosphere, so she
started peeing on herself and exuding more green and purple pasta to cool
off. The torpedo was so turned on by this that it came, sending here
flying into orbit, where she resides to this day. If you ever see a thing
flying across space that looks like a sort of green and purple lady
with horns, you know who it is. Satisfied, the torpedo started to pass
out and plummet to earth, where Our Hero was having a pretty bad time of
it. The kids had gotten tired of playing their Firehose Tapdancing Game,
and were now playing a game where they all took turns fucking all of his
facial orifices, just as above his alter ego was suffering a similar
ordeal. When the mexican kids heard the MFGHMNRGL noises he was making,
they stopped buttfucking the corpses and came to investigate. They saw
how sexy he was with his legs missing and all his face and body orifices
getting fucked at the same time, and they started to fight with the black
kids to get a chance. Pretty soon they were ripping off each other's
faces, breaking each others entire body in half, et cetera.
Meanwhile the telephone booth was still destroyed, and the Telephone
Repair Superman came to investigate. When he saw what was happening to
Godzilla, at first he was morally and legally outraged, and started suing
Godzilla for damages and public obscenity. But Godzilla just shot one
little laser beam out of his eyeball and knocked the Telephone Repair
Superman all the way around the Earth 48 times and into a Go Go Godzilla
poster. The Superman rubbed his head and looked dazedly at the poster,
and realized that Godzilla was the Good Guy in the situation. He didn't
know what do do about Father Time's Flying Monster Dick, but he did know
the phone number of the Maytag Repair Superman. So he called him up on a
passing telephone, and in less than one second, the Maytag Repair
Superman arrived on the scene. "Aha!" He said. "Got ants in the pants,
eh?". He lit a cigar and began climbing all over Godzilla and dismantling
the giant-washing-machine-antennae'd peanut-shaped ants with his bare
hands, some knowhow, and his Maytag Repair Vibes. Just then the Torpedo
Slack Machine, delirious with its recent pleasure, fell back into the
scene and intersected the skull of Godzilla, inside which lay the missing
Forehead of Hitler! It's mission completed, the Torpedo Slack Machine
detonated, destroying all the black and mexican kids, godzilla, itself,
the wife, the guy from the beginning, and the rest of the entire
universe. But then some Time Vaprid Snurgs arrived on the scene, and
fixed everything up to the way it was before except for Father Time's
dick, the lady orbiting the earth, and Godzilla not really existing.
THE END
-QPM
