We decided to end our ride that night in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I paid little attention to the others as they discussed plans for night accomidations at a local Conrocon off I-80. If it had been my decesion I would have suggested riding up north to Yellowstone or hitting the Grand Teton. I knew my ideas would be out voted so I never even expressed them. Besides, it was dark and we were tired. The destinations I had in my mind were quite a ride away. Everyone finally agreed with Bryan's deceison, as always I don't know why it was ever even discussed. We were to stay at AB Campgrounds. For the first time in my life I was riding across the country and I felt like I wasn't seeing any of it. I mean there was so much to see in Wyoming, what the fuck were we doing in some off the road camp site in Cheyeene. When was it decided that Bryan's plans would become our plans.
Why the hell is it that when you get more then three people together for any length of time someone has to becom leader?
I just wanted to have the best time I could. Who knows if I would ever get to see the country again and here I was involved in the same type of hierarchy that rendered so much in America absurd. Politics even with friends. Is this the way it had to be? I was damn sure it wasn't the way it was suppose to be. I guess when you're taught to compete from kindergarden on it's hard to get it out of your system. You couldn't blame Bryan if he didn't assume leadership position, Bill would or... Amy. I was the only one who had no interest but still I followed the decesion that were made. I guess I was the biggest fool out there.
Despite of its name and location AB cmapgrounds actually wasn't bad. It offered laundry services, showeres, and a game room, all for $12.50 a night. This was our first change to wash our clothes and we all did just that. We got are usual allotment of beers for the night and Bryan as usual bougt booze that had a little more bite. It seemed where ever we stayed the alcohol bill was alwayshigher then the cost of spending the night. I was already out of money and was now living off Mastercard.
We got into many heated games of Pinball as we waited for our clothes to finish. Alcohol wasn't allowed in the gameroom but it sure as hell didn't stop us. I still felt strangly removed from the rest of the group. The force that had shook up my mind before was there but somewhat more subdued. I could concentrate now and was aware of my surroundings. But I was sure something had snaped in me. For the better or worse I didn't know.
I drank more that evening then any other time during the trip and my conversation began to how the effects.
"So, Bryan you think we're ever going to see something more on this trip then highway," I asked.
"What the fuck are you talking about when have you ever seen this kind of land in PA."
"Never, but I ain't seeing much of it now either. Durining the day we ride through it at 90mph and when we stop it's too damn dark to see anything."
"What do you suggest, Bill now said. You want to stop and roam the land all day? Do you know what kind of time we would waste? Are you going to explain to your brother when we get there a week late. Plus if we want the job we only have fifteen more days to get there."
"Why don't we ride all night some time and spend the day in some place like Yellowstone."
"It's a fucking toursist trap," Amy said.
"Why, you've been there?"
"No, but I've heard."
"Well, I would like to find out for myself. I'm sure the enterance to the park is a mob seen but the place is as big as Rhode Island. Besides, why do you think so many people are going there in the first place? Because there's a lot of cool things to see."
"There's lots of people in Cleveland too, but there ain't nothing worth seeing," Amy decleared.
"Hey they got the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I wouldn't mind seeing that, Tina said with her usual dizzy laugh.
I couldn' say why but she was starting to get on myn nerves...along with the rest of them for that matter. "If you want to see the Rock and Roll thing so much, why don't you head back. We're wait here for you. Won't we guys?" Bill said, predictably laughing at his own jock.
"Sure, we're wait," Bryan said giving Tina a flirtatious grin.
These guys were really starting to make me sick. I felt like I had spent most of the past years with a much of strangers and was just starting to realize it. It was funny that Tina mentioned the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because I wasn't starting to think how these guys lived their life like one big Rock and Roll video. I had always considered Amy more of a spiritual person who respected the power of nature but now she just seem like some goofy party girl.
Even as I was thinking these things I noticed that no one was even aware that the person who asked the question they now debated was any longer interested in whatever answer they might reach. I also, felt quilt...yes always quilt. Any time I questioned anyone's behavior, I always thought that I had no right. Like somehow it wasn't proper to questioned what other people did. It was if no matter what strange behavior others did it must make sense. No matter what group of people or what they were doing I always seemed to feel this way. I accepted and became a part of the behavior no matter what it might be. It was a good thing I ended up with the friends I had because if I was with a group of serial killers I would probably follow their example too. Just blend into the scenery and don't draw attention to yourself. That was what I had always done, but I felt it was all starting to change.
The leaders didn't care what the followers thought, they realized since the followers attention was not on what others should do. That the leaders could control what all the followers would do. The only way a follower could prevent this was to become a leader. But the follower had no interest in leading because they knew it was not right to make other people follow them. So, the leaders lead followers in ways that were only for their own personal rewards. Leaders cared little of ethics, morals or any such high concepts the followers were wisping of. Leaders would attempt to justify their selfish pursuits by saying: "If you become a leader like us, you can too can profit and live a life of wealth and comfort. But, the followers were confused by the leaders sense of direction and didn't understand the things they valued.
Over time however the saddest thing occurred the followers, having no interest in leading anyone, anywhere. Began to accept what the leaders defined as direction. Followers under the direction of leaders began to lead other followers. They didn't realize it but they could no more dictate to others how to live, as a fish could learn to fly. Followers remained followers but now many practiced the ways of the leaders. Unfortunately, for them they couldn't enjoy leading others toward destruction.
As strange as it all seemed it was even worse because it was true.. a bit complicated hard to explain but true. Glimpses of the multi-layer of insanity was recognized by the youth, but the constant insistence on competetion quickly blured their visions.
The word followers and leaders maybe weren't the best words. What we called leaders were not leaders at all. A real leader (not those we call leaders) are just fellow travellers that happened to have traveled the path that we followers long to be on. They don't wish to lead us down the path but just make us aware that it is there. Followers seldom saw the whole picture because they were being lead in the wrong direction. The leaders understood they were leading in the wrong direction but didn't care. They werea dangerours obstacle toward the real path.
What would happen if there wasn't false leaders directing the course. Well we've seen it a few times in history, people work together and watch out for one another. Not communism by any means, that died with the vanguard of the proletariat crap. Communism became more elitist then capitalism. Closer to something like communes of the sixties.
Some of the ideas out of the sixties were actually a good start. It's a damn shame that few people really understood what it was about. There were definatley some that saw virgin snow falling on a new path but more decided to become Yuppies instead. They became worse then the older generation they had made fun of. I guess for the most part the sixties was just a much of spoiled kids who thought it would be cool to play revoluntaries in college. If that's not the case then these guys sure didn't believe in staying with their convictions.
I suppose it's not their fault selling out is easy to do. Leaders have perfected the art of selling the deal. What bugs me is the way this generation enjoyed selling out. I mean they cruised around in forty thousand dollar cars, chatting on cell phones and going home to quarter of million homes with inground pools. Meanwhile, their friends who held on to their ideas were ridiculed and called losers at their coctails parties. Hey, when you sell your soul it may look like a good deal but you never know till the end. I'm not saying I know the way to get there, but I think everyone recognizes the wrong path. When you turn your back on friends for material possesions, you shouldn't think you're a success. Regardless of how big your house may be. Better to live like stray dogs on a street then die like buzzards on a hill.
All of sudden I realized that I'd been lost in a trance for the last thirty minutes. What's really scary, was when I came out of it, the rest of the group of my fellow travellers were still joking and bullshiting about the same stuff. I was as removed from their conversation as a flee biting the managy dog. Flee on a dog....it mean't something, it was very important and it made no sense whatsoever.
So, were my fellow travellers,followers or leaders. At one time I knew this answer beyond a doubt, but now times were changing. I'm sure they were still followers but a few now seem to be following the deadly false prpohet leaders.
