Dear Mr. Hood,

Regarding your application for unemployment benefit, I see you are no longer an outlaw, as you have received the King's Pardon. Since you voluntarily gave up your job, you are not entitled to benefit for 28 weeks.

You may be eligible for Income Support, but you do need an address to be able to claim and a tree may not fit into this category. Is Maid Marion your housekeeper? Is she pregnant? If so, you may be able to claim for her too.

You cannot claim for your band of Merrie-men. They must make their claims individually. You might point out to them that any redundancy money must be declared, as it could affect their claims.

Further to your enquiry about a clothing grant, this will have to be taken up with the Dept. of Social Security. You do seem to have a surplus of Lincoln-green suits which you could wear. Being fed up with the colour is neither here nor there, and a grant may very well be refused.

Finally, you will oblige me by collecting your longbow and removing the arrows from the desks. I am sure you know that damage to government property carries the death penalty, but I am reluctant to report your misdemeanour. I am more interested in finding you a job. Have you thought about taking up outlawry again? Please call in to discuss this as soon as possible.

Incidentally, is there a carpenter/joiner amongst you Merrie-men? If so, I could fix him up with some temporary work.

Yours sincerely,

A. Sherif
Chief Officer.

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Copyright The Bentilean 1999

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