Lena's weird dream 2:
I am at this big shopping place and there are all these gunmen. One gunman says I should get out because they are going to shoot everyone. I do breast stroke and start to fly off the ground but he shoots me and I fall on the floor. Next I am in this room and I know I have to get out and I have to get through this window which has a blind over it. When I get through it there is another and another, all the while I can hear the gunmen saying they're going to find me and kill me.

The Doctor says:
Four score and seven years ago I had a similar dream. Not long after I was bullied at school, then for awhile I was with a circus, I was called Weirdo the flying man. After I ran away from the circus I kept going blind and then being able to see again and then going blind again, and so on. Eventually I managed to fool everyone that I was a doctor and got myself off of drugs and that, so you see it all turns out for the best. Erm, I don't think I should've told you all that. NEXT ...

Steve's spooky dream 1:
I dream that me and Lena have a new house and it's like in tacky films where the previous occupants seem to have left in such a hurry that they have left all this weird junk behind. There is a bedroom where you can go in one end and then come out the other end, we are walking through this bedroom which has a lot of junk, so as to be annoying, there is a dusty old cot which is spooky enough, but as we walk past this disenfranchised baby voice cries an endless whine. I feel like this happens a lot and I start mimicking this baby cry, Lena is most distressed and covers her ears and runs off screaming 'no no' or some such. Strangely enough, that same night Lena has .....

Lena's spooky dream 1:
I dream that the hallway of our house gets flooded some how and we have to get it all repaired. While repairing it we pull up the floorboards in the hallway and underneath is a grave stone!! That's all I think it's spooky enough.

The Doctor says:
Hire yourselves a twenty stone hooker for the night and forget all about it, remember dreams mean nothing at all no matter what mumbo-jumbo clap-trap these so-called doctors come up with. If anything bad happens, I'm really really sorry.

Steve's weird dream 2:
I dream my elder brother has to go to the doctors to be put on the contraceptive pill, he brings these enormous brightly coloured pills home and leaves them on the table. I kind of have the idea that they are for him but later my father and mother are sitting around the table asking me about how you work these pills and if they need to buy some condoms, I am altogether confused by this and try to explain their use, my father just doesn't seem to understand, and gets really angry and the pills and why there are no instructions with them. Thankfully I was woken up before things got really nasty.

The Doctor says:
Remember the house you used to live in when you were younger? Remember in the garage there was that patch of concrete that was a slightly different colour to the rest? Well maybe it's time you went back there and find out what's beneath that concrete, and learn the truth about your so called parents. Remember excessive media invasion is not a bad thing, but a good thing.

Lena's weird dream 1:
I am watching television with Carol and Emily and it is a horror film about these robbers that are going around. When these robbers rob someone they do it by drilling through their forehead with an electric drill, when they pull the drill out of the head there is a little eyeball on the end with money on it.

The Doctor says:
This dream means that you are a bad person and should set fire to your legs, or that you are a good person and should not set fire to your legs, you are probably in the best position to judge which is correct.

Steve's weird dream 1:
You've heard of that lucid dreaming where you can control what happens in your dreams. Well, one step weirder, I dreamed that I was having a lucid dream, I flew down this garden that was the same shape as my garden, but didn't have the same plants or flowers, or fences and such like. At the bottom of the garden was some kind of barn affair, inside which was several young teenagers, boys and girls who were chatting. I didn't know any of them but was aware that I was dreaming and tried to talk to two of the girls. I was asking them if they knew anything about lucid dreaming because I was dreaming lucidly, they seemed uninterested and I think they entirely ignored me. Although I was aware that I was dreaming I didn't have any control, so I think that I was only dreaming that I knew I was dreaming.

The Doctor says:
I would make a wild stab in the dark (based on years of training and experience) that this dream was actually premonitory and some time in the future you will have a lucid dream. It is difficult to say more than this without knowing you viewpoint on young girlies.

If you have weird dreams and think you may be psychotic, please send us a description of what goes on. Send it to Doctor Jessop care of me
Please remember to put all swear words in capital letters. If you are famous and your dream means something embarrassing, we reserve the right to send your details to the national press for fun and profit.