FOOD
(I try to eat all kinds, but something is wrong, I have no love of life)
It does not take a genius to buy fresh meat and cook it with something hot, but please remember some are vegitarians and do not apreciate the little pipes that invarable come with meaty bits. And always ask an adult before taking out their teenage daughters.
Eat the following in any order, and in any quantity for lifelong happiness.
Crispy spare ribs with no sauce
Roast lamb
Toast and black
Kinder Surprise
Spangles
Lemon Chicken
Highland all butter shortbread
Cheese straws
Cod chips and peas
Dr Pepper and guiness
Christmas pudding
Cadbury's luxury cookies
MUSIC
(I find myself listening to emmerson lake and palmer, I am not afraid to go under the blade but help me.)
A selection of the following may stop you weeping at night, some may build the courage within you to be rude to your boss. If it's yellow or green or whatever, check it out, we have band/performer, favourite titles and a tiny bit of lyrics maybe, sometimes, perhaps, just a little. If it's not green or yellow or whatever I'm talking about then it's not done yet at all and it's just a collection of badly placed words that could well mean nothing, haha but beware the power of the subliminal!!!
The Adventures
Afghan Whigs
The Auteurs
The Balcony Dogs
Bare Naked Ladies
Beastie Boys
Belly
Bettie Serveert
Big Audio Dynamite
Frank Black
Black Grape
The Blue Aeroplanes
Breeders
Grant Lee Buffalo
Buffalo Tom
Kate Bush
John Cale
Nick Cave (and the Bad seeds)
Chapterhouse
The Charlatans
George Clinton
Leonard Cohen
Crime and the city solution
Delicious Monster
Bob Dylan
The Earthmen
The Frazier Chorus
The Glee Club
The Happy Mondays
Kristin Hersh
His Name Is Alive
The House of Love
Janes Addiction
Ricky Lee Jones
Kid Kreole and the Coconuts
Lemonheads
Live
The Lucy Show
The Mabuses
MC 900 foot Jesus
Glen Miller
Morrissey
NED's Atomic Dustbin
Nirvana
N.W.A.
Offspring
Ozzy Osbourne
Parliament
Pearl Jam
Pixies
The Poppy Factory
Radiohead
Rage Against the machine
Leon Redbone
REM
Run DMC
Skin Games
Smashing Pumpkins
The Smiths
Suede
The Sultans of Ping FC
The Sundays
Talking Heads
They Might Be Giants
The Velvet Underground
Tom Waits
We know where you live
The wild swans
The Wonder stuff
TELEVISION
(I spend a lot of time watching lame, two-bit American sit-coms, I know they're shit but I'm inexplicably drawn in, also my only friends are in a typing pool, don't badger me though I'm really close to the edge, do whatever you're gonna do quickly, and help me along with some hard drugs)
It is a common problem and although you feel dependent you aren't at all it's like that bit where Indiana Jones goes all weird, but he's not really it's just goat's blood congeling in his stomache (does any really know how to spell CON-GEEELED?), is it the same, sorry bad example but here are some things to try out, some are crap and I'm embarrassed to watch them but there are some good un's. Really you should be out trying to get lucky but if you are tired or married get out your TV guide and push these buttons.
American Gothic
Arthur C Clarke's World of strange powers
The Day Today
Fist of Fun
Friends
Have I got news for you
Heartbreak High
Max Headroom
Monkey
My so called life
Ready, steady, cook
Shootin' stars
The Simpsons
The smell of Reeves and Mortimer
Twin Peaks
V
FILMS
(Culcha? What's culcha? I take my girl to
the flicks of a saturday night, I am cool, no sweat buddy, etcetera, etcetera)
You are more of a waste than you know, you have a greasy quiff and a lardy french-fry complexion, A film should make you weep or get angry or want to kiss someones head, if it doesn't its a useless pile of stuff which you can melt down and rub into your stupid hair)
The Basketball Diaries
Bladerunner
Brazil
A clockwork orange
The crow
Delicatessen
Duck Soup
Edward Scissorhands
Horse Feathers
Natural Born Killers
A night at the opera
Nikita
Paris, Texas
River's edge
Ruthless people
The secret adventures of Tom Thumb
S.F.W
Subway
Thin blue line
Twenty minutes into the future
BOOKS
(I read Jackie Collins novels and play with myself, surely there's more to life?)
There is more, oh and how. Jackie Collins drives a bandwagon, I'm not sure what a bandwagon is, but get off it sharpish and take a hay ride with Charles Dickens, or...
Candide - Voltaire
A clockwork orange - Anthony Burgess
The complete works of Shakespeare - William Shakespeare
David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
The Diary of Franz Kafka - Franz Kafka
Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Gullivers Travels - Jonathon Swift
Metamorphosis and other stories - Franz Kafka
The Pickwick Papers - Charles Dickens
The Sanitorium Under the Sign of the Hourglass - Bruno Schultz
The Street of Crocodiles - Bruno Schultz
