The Bag The man was having problems. This job that Thor gave him was harder than he thought. For starters, it involved staying in 'The Bag' all day, and so having to take a leave of absence from his job as a security guard. This was a bit of a strain, to say the least. Secondly the man had to spend hours and hours of time poring through all the newspapers that he had found stacked neatly in his living room (he could only assume that Thor had put them there in the middle of the night) looking for the most obscure bits of useless (to the man at least) knowledge. Working for a god had its drawbacks. The pay was good anyway, which is the main reason that George considered taking this job in the first place, well that and the fact that Thor IS a god, and if he got displeased, nasty things might start happening, like him suddenly finding a large dent in his skull, as if it had been hit, smote if you will, by a large hammer. Not that Thor wasn't a nice god, just a bit threatening, to a mortal at least. “This job is so frustrating.” the man thought out loud. “How does Thor expect me to find this stuff???” Beth immediately replied with a loud “Meow”, which the man found that she was doing nearly every time he thought something out loud, and so thought it was a bit odd. This ‘Meow’ of course meant, “Thor is always like that, expecting miracles out of mortals and animals, he never learns!” As usual the man was ignorant of this fact. Suddenly the doorbell rang. The man went to the door, looked out, and saw John, his twin standing outside. “Come in.” the man said as he opened the door. “You’ll have to excuse the mess, I’m doing a project for Thor.” “Thor again eh? I really must meet him sometime.” said the double. “Yes well I’ll try to arrange it, though I never know when he’s going to show up, he just shows up when he feels like it, he is a god after all.” “Yes well, anyway, the reason I’m here is that I would like to invite you out to lunch.” “Well, I suppose I can take a break and get out of ‘The Bag’ for a while.” “The Bag?” “Yes, that’s what I call my house.” “Why do you call your house ‘The Bag’?” “One day I was sitting around wishing that I had a cat, and then as I opened the door to get the morning paper, a cat jumped into my house, and a thought appeared in my head: “Well the cat’s in the bag now...” I don’t know where it came from, but ever since then, I have called my house ‘The Bag’.” “Hmm interesting...So how about we go to Jack’s Bar and Grill?” “That’s my favourite restaurant, they have good shrimp and the best lobster in town.” “Oh really? I hadn’t heard about that, I just heard that they serve imported beer, like Guinness, I do hear that it is a bit seedy, and a bit dirty though.” “That’s true,” said the man “but the food more than makes up for the atmosphere.” The man got ready to go. “Let’s take your car.” the double said, “the brakes on mine are less than ideal.” So the two men got into the large red convertible with blue trim and white sidewalls, and drove off. They got to the restaurant, a large one story building with no windows, one door, and a beat up sign that read: “Jack’s Bar and Grill,” to which some vandal had added in red spray paint: “Enter at your own risk!” The man paid no attention to the sign (it had been that way for years...), but John said “Enter at your own risk??” “Yes,” the man said, “it’s said that for years, but I’ve never had any trouble.” John shrugged and opened the door. The first thing he noticed as he entered was the bar. The bar is long, reddish brown wooden structure, with at least 20 stools next to it, and two bartenders behind it, each of them looking like they went to the Arnold Schwartzenagar School Of Bartending, which, in fact, they did. Now this was no ordinary bar, but that’s another story. “Two for lunch?” the hostess asked. “Yes,” George answered, “my usual table.” The hostess led them to a table in the corner, and George took the seat with his back and right sides next to a wall. “This is the safest spot in the place.” George explained. “It’s really a nice place, once you get used to it.” said George after a short pause. “Would you like something to drink before you order?” the waitress asked as she arrived with the menus. The two men both ordered gin and tonic, and started looking at the menus. “So are you going to try the lobster?” George asked his twin. “No, never did like lobster; I think I’ll have the shrimp instead.” “Really? That is my favourite dish here!” “Hmm it seems there is some truth in that stuff about twins separated at birth stuff.” George nodded, and continued looking at the menu. Just then there was a flash of light, and Thor suddenly appeared, much to the dismay of the waitress who had just come with the drinks. “Aha there you are!” thundered Thor as he saw George. “Wait is that you or is that you?” Thor then said as he noticed John. “This is me.” George said. “And this, is my twin brother, John.” “Twin brother?” “Yep, that’s me.” said John, “And you must be Thor.” “Why, yes I am, how could you tell? I look just like a normal guy!” “Well the appearing in a flash of light, and your thundering voice kind of tipped me off...” “Oh yes that, I must remember to appear outside and then walk in the door next time I decide to find George.” George was curious as to why Thor was here and said so. Thor replied “I went to your house and you weren’t there, which I thought was strange, considering you should be working on the job I gave you, and so I decided to find you, which I did, so why aren’t you at home working?” “I needed a break, and John invited me out to lunch, so here I am.” “Well, I guess a break is ok, how goes the job?” “Well enough. I haven’t quite finished with it yet, but I am making significant progress towards the goal that you outlined for me.” “Good, keep it up then. Nice meeting you John.” with that Thor disappeared in a flash of light, then reappeared and walked out the door. “So that’s Thor eh?” John said. “Yes, quite impressive isn’t he?” “Yes quite. I expected him to be bigger and wearing a helmet and carrying a hammer though.” “Yeah well, he doesn’t. He looks just like a normal guy, in fact, he had a job a judge for a while, that’s how we met.” “He was your judge when you smashed the phone?” “Yep. Nice guy really, a bit demanding, but nice enough, once you get used to the fact that he’s a god and knows it, and uses that fact constantly to appear powerful.” “I see...” Just then the waitress came back and took their orders. Both men ordered shrimp. The meal passed uneventfully, except for a fight that broke out, in which several patrons were injured and required medical attention. The bartenders were of course unhurt. “Well I better get back to ‘The Bag’” George said after they had both finished eating. “Yes and I must get back to work.” said John. The two men left the restaurant, and went back to George’s house. To make a long story short, the man then went back to working on his project for Thor, which took another 24 hours. Thor came to check on the man, appearing in a flash of light yet again, forgetting to appear outside and ring the bell. “So are you done yet??” Thor asked? “Yep just finished. I have all the info that you requested.” “Great here’s your money, now I will begin my takeover of the world!” Thor said just before disappearing in his usual flash of light.
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