THE TROUBLE WITH HEROES
By: Fred Parker aka Fredguy
When I was five years old my Dad brought me to see Star Wars. I bring this up because I’ve just come back from seeing the re-release of The Empire Strikes Back and, sitting there surrounded by kids on a sunny Sunday afternoon, I finally realized what’s wrong with me.
Don’t give me that look. You know what I’m talking about; we all have it inside. That deep-down feeling that somehow everyone else is in on The Secret, and if we could just figure out what that was everything would miraculously start working out. You’ve felt it, I’ve felt it… it is part of what it means to be human. We are all a bunch of neurotic creatures, you and I.
Anyway, my point is this: When I first saw Star Wars all those years ago, I believed it. I believed that Good could triumph over Evil, that it is our duty to fight for what we know is right, that friendship and love are the most important things in the universe… I believed it all.
And I still do.
Twenty years: Through pain, heartbreak, love, loss, friendship, betrayal, joy, grief, dreams, deceptions, disillusionment, wonder, bitterness, disappointment, bravery, and fear, I still believe and I think I always will. Somehow I even manage to be cynical without loosing faith.
In a world where we are all walking wallets whose goal in life is to buy the bigger and better version of goods we already own, I still believe in heroes. I have yet to meet one, but I know they are out there doing their good deeds without desire for acknowledgement or reward. I wish I was more like them, and at times I am, but I remain human and life is usually painted in shades of gray, not the primary colors of a comic book.
That is what’s wrong with me. I cling to an idealized code of honor that society seems to have left behind. Worse, I feel compelled to fight whenever I am faced by this evil amorality that seems to have overtaken us. Phrases like "…but it’s business" and "nothing personal" chill my blood and I can’t help but speak out. That’s when people quietly shake their heads at me and I go home frustrated.
Satisfaction is hard to come by in such an environment.
So where does this leave us? I am not about to dismiss my values just because the universe doesn’t seem to agree with me. All I can do is to love those I love, fight against that which I hate, seek out the truth wherever it hides, and never, ever, surrender.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no saint. I have betrayed and hurt others as much as anyone else has (maybe even more so). I am not necessarily smarter than anyone, nor do I know some universal secret to life or anything of the sort. All I can do is to I try to learn from my mistakes, to respect others, and to be a little more courageous than yesterday.
After all, in the end our courage and our integrity are all we have.
22/02/1997
© 1997 by Fred Parker.
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