RavenBlack FAQ

This is a list of real frequently asked questions. Later I will be adding boxes for other people to give their answers, and a box for adding another frequently asked question, if you can think of one I've missed.
For now, Email anything you want to add. And remember, only the best gets added.
Currently, unnumbered answers are my own, answers numbered '1' are my own, and answers numbered '2' belong to Kevan. He would like to make it clear that his answers are only worse because I'd taken all the good answers already.
Have you got the time?
1. Yes.
2. Personal possession of an abstract concept is impossible, I'm afraid.

What is it?
A two letter word, usually referring to the most recent noun mentioned.

The time, I mean.
That doesn't belong in the FAQ, it's not a question.

What's up?
1. It's a direction, which I believe is usually considered as the opposite direction to that in which gravity is attracting.
2. Clouds and sky and things, I believe.

How are you?
There are many schools of thought on how people are. Evolution, religion, and the old favourite from Descartes, thinking.

How are you today?
I'm not today. I'm not any sort of abstract concept of time.

Fancy a pint?
That depends. A pint of paper money would be most welcome, whereas a pint of vomit is undesirable.

What do you want?
In no particular order, food, money, sex, sleep, fun, etc.

Can I help you?
Probably, but I doubt you choose to.

Where are you from?
Again, a difficult question. The Big Bang is the current theory which holds most credence.

Are you alright?
Yes.

What are you up to?
1. Six foot, without stretching.
2. Chapter seven.

What are you doing?
1. Breathing, twitching thousands of tiny muscles, digesting, and most likely a host of other things too.
2. Answering your question.

Can I borrow some money?
Yes. Not from me though.

Pardon?
No thanks, I don't need one.

Excuse me?
Okay.

Would you like any cashback?
1. Yes, on the condition that it isn't removed from my bank account.
2. Did I give you any cash, then?

What's the meaning of life?
According to the dictionary, there are 8 meanings of life. These are they:
Life (n) : The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body of inanimate matter... also: a state of an organism characterised esp. by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.
Life (n) : The physical and mental experiences of an individual.
Life (n) : A specific phase or period.
Life (n) : The period from birth to death.
Life (n) : A way of living.
Life (n) : Person.
Life (n) : Animated activity.
Life (n) : One proving interest and vigour.

What's the point?
It's the sharp bit at the end.

How long is a piece of string?
1. An inch.
2. Quite a few years, usually.

What's the sound of one hand clapping?
1. It's 'clap', since clap is an onomatopoeia.
2. It depends what it's clapping against.

If a tree falls in a forest and there's no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
1. Yes.
2. No.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
1. Three bunches.
2. Depends what type of wood it was, what form it took, and the strength and lifespan of the individual woodchuck.


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