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* I must be in South Africa because.... Minutes after I arrived, I laughed until I had tears in my eyes over a simple story told as only a Cape Flats card can tell it. It was the best welcome ever! * I must be in South Africa because.... Where else in the world do the police hire security guards to protect them? A company provides guards to keep watch at certain police stations that were recently attacked by gangsters. * I must be in South Africa because.... I was horrified to see the rot that is spreading in many areas. For example, the once posh Muizenberg beachfront is now a glorified slum for Nigerian immigrants. It's the absolute pits. And, right across the way is still the most beautiful beach in the world. * I must be in South Africa because.... People of colour have difficulty trying to fathom out where all the "racist whites" of old have gone. They say the breed has either died out or moved in with Eugene Terreblanche. * I must be in South Africa because.... A policeman is shot dead (the seventh in four months in the Western Cape) and it makes page 2 of the largest daily in Cape Town. * I must be in South Africa because.... I hear dogs barking all night and see unleashed brakkies roaming the streets in packs. * I must be in South Africa because.... Luggage handlers steal R50,000 worth of goods from international visitors at the airport and they are allowed to resign from their jobs and walk free. No criminal charges were laid against them despite a mountain of evidence. * I must be in South Africa because.... Everyone owns a cell phone — and they all have them stuck to the side of their faces! * I must be in South Africa because.... The Provincial Education Department in Kwazulu paid out R19-million to 320 “ghost workers” — and they only discovered it now! * I must be in South Africa because.... Those in authority have finally decided that it is time to address the rights of women. Hello? It’s almost the year 2000! * I must be in South Africa because.... A single Christmas card sells for R16 (that’s cheap) and gas prices hover around R3 a litre. * I must be in South Africa because.... A medium range laptop computer sets you back R18,000. * I must be in South Africa because.... A bill has finally been passed to zap deadbeat dads who fail to pay maintenance. It should have been passed years ago. Now the culprits face payroll deductions and possible confiscation of their property. * I must be in South Africa because.... My mother won’t rest unless the steel gate on the front door is securely locked and the key removed. * I must be in South Africa because.... Derelict cars decorate the driveways of every second house in some areas. * I must be in South Africa because.... A backyard mechanic runs a thriving 24 hour a day rent-free, drive-thru repair business on a vacant lot in a busy residential area. And, he's making money! * I must be in South Africa because.... Racial slurs are part and parcel of normal conversations. * I must be in South Africa because.... Prince George Drive is littered with crosses and flowers marking where people have been killed in recent car accidents. It's macabre sight and frightening at the same time. * I must be in South Africa because.... They have cameras mounted on traffic lights to catch red-light-jumpers and yet people are warned not to stop at red lights after dark because of the carjacking threat. * I must be in South Africa because.... The pong from the Athlone power station is still as foul as it was 20 years ago! * I must be in South Africa because.... The rusty bucket I drive in Toronto looks like a Rolls Royce when compared to some of the cars I have seen on the roads here. * I must be in South Africa because.... There is nothing in the world to compare with the majesty of Table Mountain, the fantastic weather and the natural warmth of the people. Nothing! In the meantime, take care and always stay safe. ColinD
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