03 February 1999

TOURIST ANTHEM FOR 
CAPE TOWN
(Sung to the tune of "The Teddy Bear's Picnic")

If you go down to the beach today, you probably won't be charmed 
If you go down to the beach today, you'd better not go unarmed 
For every con-man, mugger and crook 
Is lurking there wherever you look 
To confiscate whatever you brought to CAPE TOWN 
  
If you go down to the Castle today, please try the Grand Parade 
Glue-sniffing tots in parking lots are waiting to ply their trade 
Approaching you with buckets and rags 
They'll steal your chains and watches and bags 
Your hubcaps too, cause that's what we do in CAPE TOWN 
  
If you go down to Camps Bay today, please enjoy the Golden Mile 
We'll give your wife the shock of her life, in typical Cape Town style 
Behind the trees, where nobody sees 
We rape and kill whom ever we please 
And that's the way we'll brighten her stay in CAPE TOWN 
  
And when at last your holiday's done, the day must soon arrive 
You're broke and sad, but it's not so bad - you're lucky you're still alive 
And when next year you're planning some fun 
A holiday of surfing and sun 
Recall your unforgettable one in CAPE TOWN 


 
 
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