Darkness Within

By Todd R. Bogenrief

The darkness of a night with a new moon permeates the forest path I walk in the solitude of my despair. The humid air of the warm summer night clings to me like a second skin. A brief flash of distant lightning illuminates the small clearing I have entered. A perfect ring of mushrooms surrounds my feet, and I hear a strange melodic tune in the air.

Blackness enfolds my vision as reality folds about me. Time and space feel as if they are torn asunder and suddenly I am falling. Falling through a gap between our world and another. Somewhere lost in time, downward where magic reigns and technology is but a distant dream. Downward, to a place that screams to me of ancient power and lost dreams of childhood wonder.

Awakening, a soft voice speaks to me. A voice of pure melody and sensual pleasure. Her voice surrounds me and binds me, it stirs memories from deep within my soul; memories of Her. Her who I loved so deeply that when she left, my world had turned gray. Suddenly color surrounds me, the color of being with Her.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I open my eyes, afraid of losing Her to the cruelty of the Dreaming, but there she sits, upon Her throne of roses. Her long autumn hair falls down to Her waist, exposing the gentle swell of Her breasts, Her long legs are crossed, hiding the secrets which lie between. The She sits on Her throne, in all Her glory, She to whom I swore my love eternal. Is it just a dream? She is so real, so vivid, I had thought never again to look upon Her with these eyes, and now, yes, YES, she stands.

As She stands, I realize that I am not lying on the floor of the forest through which I stumbled in desperation. I lay on the floor of a marvelous courtroom. The cool stone tiles of the floor caress my back, large pillars support the stars above. All manner of creatures flitter and float about the room, some of them small winged men and women, who are performing all manners of action, some in pairs, some alone, they perform a dark dance of twisted pleasure. Other, more unidentifiable forms also lurk in the edges of the chamber, twisted shapes of nightmare forms; instinctively I know, with one word from Her they would rush forward to rend the flesh from my bones and devour my soul for time eternal.

Once again though, my eyes turn to focus on Her, my Dark Queen. My hand reaches out to touch Her, to once again feel the soft skin so long lost to me, and year of pain and agony well within and I crumble in despair. The tears well in my eyes as years fall away from me and once again I embrace Her as though She had never left my side. Truly, those empty years of weary solitude were but a nightmare, and this is the Reality which was meant to be.

She looks down at me, how pathetic a form I must seem to Her. Her ice blue eyes peer at me and into me, into the depths of my soul. She sees and knows it all now, the days of joy we shared, and the years afterward, the years I tried and failed to forget Her, to drive Her vision from my soul. Now she stands before me, so true, so real, and for a moment, a fleeting moment, I believe I see emotion in those cold eyes, but the moment has passed far too quickly.

She reaches a perfect hand to her side, and pulls from a sheath a silver knife. The knife, gleaming in the starlight of the court, beautiful, and deadly, so pure in its purpose. The knife has no soul, no feelings, no remorse, no pain. The knife merely is. She hands the knife to me, so light and so powerful. The knife hilt fits perfectly within my palm.

She speaks now, "Long it is you have suffered, my mortal lover. You long for my touch, my kiss, my gentle caress, and to hold me once more. I am not she whom you loved so deeply, but my spirit was with her. I can be her, as she was me. For as long as you like we can be together, to laugh, to share, to love. For time eternal I could hold you by my side, until the day comes which I choose another. The court has been long without a King, and I grow lonely, I too need and desire. For us to be together, all you must do is make one simple sacrifice, and your pain and solitude will end, just a quick slice, and we will be together forever."

Oh! How simple it would be to make the final cut. To run the knife's edge across my wrists and end this all. To shove off my mortal coil and live forever at Her side. How easy to end all my years of torment and suffering, I long so much to be with Her. Yet....yet... something deep within me screams to me....

"My Queen and true Love, I cannot take my own life, no matter what the price, there is always Hope."

Such sadness enters Her eyes, and it tears my soul apart to behold it, to hurt Her, the one I have sought for so long, why can I not make so simple a choice as to make the cut, so simple the action, so seductive to blade, but it merely shakes over my wrist, a small drop of blood running the length of the blade. Why in the darkness of my pain can I not do it, Oh Lord?? She looks to me as a single tear runs down Her cheek, "Hope!? Hope? What is it that you could possibly hope for? That the Technology of men will be able to change you, to make you what you are not? To Hope that through your pathetic scrabbling of work, you will have riches beyond your wildest imaginings and buy all that you do not have? Hope that she will come back to you?? She who lied to you? She who betrayed you? She who cheated you? Hope that someday another will come along who could actually love one so pathetic as yourself?! HAH! Give up these wild dreams of your man-self and join me, once again our time is nearing in your world, and you could be great and powerful at my side."

The knife gleams at me, and I try to make my muscles draw the blood from me, so I can join Her, be with Her, love Her, "I cannot."

Laughter drowns out everything around me, Her musical laughter, the laughter of all those around me, and dark hideous rasping laughter from the shadows. "So be it mortal man, but remember this and remember it well, forever will your failure haunt you, but to lessen your pain, I tell you this, it is better to hope and dream of material wealth, than to ever hope for the True Love which you seek, for it exists not on your world anymore."

Blackness surrounds me once more and I wake up, cold sweat dripping from every pore in my body. Alone, as always, it was merely a dream. I turn the light on next to my bed and there, gleaming on the night-stand is the Queen's silver knife, a grim reminder of the choice I made, and will never be able to make again.

The End.

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