Why do I keep looking for answers
on the net
in journals
in books
in others faces
when the answers lie inside me?
Why can't I give up trying to find out that I am not the only one who has
suffered?
I have an insatiable desire to create the reality I've never known
just to have it over and get it done
I want to do it and be done
I want it out
I want it to stop tormenting my soul and my world
I cannot stand it any more.
But what else can I do except surrender it?
I know I cannot do it all by myself
I have had it all inside me all this time and
I still haven't done it.
I don't have the strength to open my pandora's box and see what flies out
with a fury.
I am afraid of the demons.
I cannot find the courage without saying I can't find the courage
I have to ask for help before I can get it
I have to beg for mercy
I don't have the right to get this pain out because it is at my very core
and I deserve to have it
I inflict my pain on others, the way my pain was inflicted on me
I give my pain away and take others pain in
I thrive on the pain
If the pain goes away, will I cease to exist?
I guess the questions don't need to be answered --
or ---
Maybe they have been answered
And I just wasn't listening closely enough or writing them down when they
came by
so I don't remember.
I forget....
What was the question?
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