JERRY THE GREATS' HALL OF UNAPPRECIATED MASTERPIECES

Hark! It is I, Jerry The Great, who comes to you today not with a message of love (go to a web page operated by a female or a little green leprauchan if you want that kind of stuff), but possibly one of the most amazing offers and opportunities of our time and generation!

Today (and forevermore), I offer you and Mr. Rogers (I love his work), an exlusive chance to enter the magestic and knowledgeable mind of myself to study the inner realms of my brain as long as you like.

The following examples of brilliance were written back in the day as part of my senior year high school english portfolio, and for my tireless work (tee hee), the state of Kentucky deemed fit to award me an apprentice (for those of you who clearly have no idea what I'm talking about, there are four possible evaluations a high school student can receive - novice, apprentice, proficient, distinguished) evaluation of my writing for being "pretentious."

Although I harbor no ill will towards those petulant and mind numbingly imbecilic morons that the county of Jefferson County in Louisville, Kentucky, chose to participate in the evaluation of my portfolio, I can't help but think about what might have been had they not been so absorbed in my usage of rather large words that the average five year old wouldn't understand and concentrated more on the overall substance.

A possible nomination for the Nobel Peace prize? Not too far fetched.

Publication in some of the more distinguished journals? I'd like to think so.

Television interviews heralding me as the next Kurt Vonnegut up the gazoo? I can almost picture it.

A multi-million dollar book deal with some book company? Without a doubt!

But no! I'm a pretentious little snot with only a thesaurus! Well, I'll get them! If it's the last thing I ever do!! Hoo hee ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Read, or read not. That is the option.

To the Reviewer:
Fallacious Reasoning
Preferable Remembrance
An Unparalleled Countenance of He

I celebrated my liberation of high school by writing this in English 101 at Murray State University. My other college papers were extremely uninspired and therefore not deserving of inclusion in the Jerry The Greats' Hall of Unappreciated Masterpieces. I did write a paper on Dostoyevsky that, although brilliant, was lost in the college - Navy transition. That paper, however, was appreciated by my Honors English 104 teacher (whose name escapes me as do so many unimportant things) and it received an A.

Apocalyptic Horror Take me back!

Click here to view a list of all my baseball cards in its entirety!