I've never hated you before, not really, but after tonight, I think it's safe to say that I dislike you severely.

I don't think you even realize yet, even know that I know now. But I do, Seiryuu take your eyes, I do. I can't hate you for so petty a reason, not even with your gaudish attire and ridiculous makeup. Not even with your leering glances and your infuriating laugh. Not even then can I hate you.

Did you think it would be long before I found out? Does He know yet? Does He return your...

No. No, I would know if he did.

Wouldn't I?

Seiryuu take your eyes and burn them, Tomo! It is more complicated than before now. Seiryuu take your eyes and take mine, for being so blind and stupid to walk past your tent so late at night. What was I thinking? To see your silhouette, seated on the bed, holding your head in your hands.

For a brief moment I wondered what you looked like now. The proud peacock stripped of its feathers, your outlandish garb and helmet set off to the side. A moment of vulnerability that I knew I might never see again... that none of the others might see at all...

I pitied you then, Tomo. For the briefest of moments, I felt sorry for you. Then you had to say His name.

I felt my heart sink as the syllables left your lips, whispered in that soft, calm way of yours that was both infuriating and depressing at the same time. You said it in a way that I have many times before. I know your longing, your pain, your unhappiness... No one understands you, you can only hurt and...

Damn you! But why do you have to love Him? Why?!

I hate you, you painted freak! I hate you for making it so complicated! for making me pity you when you were stabbing me in the back! for being so strange and stupid and cruel and GAY!

....

No.

No, that's not right.

I don't hate you, Tomo. I don't hate you at all.

But Seiryuu take me, it would be so satisfying to kick you off a cliff and watch you break on the ground below.

I love Him, don't you see? I love Him more than you possibly ever could. He... He saved me... and what did He ever do for you? Why do you love Him? I've seen the leers you've given other men before, passing glances and teasing remarks to make them turn red with fury, knowing they can do nothing because you are a Seiryuu Shichiseishi and close to Him. You know your power over them, and you relish using it.

You're cruel and terrible. I've seen you in battle, I've heard your laugh. I thank the Gods I haven't gotten on the wrong side of you and your Shin.

How could you ever make Him happy?

I don't hate you, Tomo, but I don't like you either. How could you be so arrogant to think you even have a chance? He is MINE and I won't let Him go.

Even though I still remember you holding your head in your hands, the pain in your voice, the near whisper of His name... How I could almost see the tears sliding down your face, smearing together the white and black of your makeup...

And how for the briefest of moments, I knew your pain.