Welcome to my page.
You may have noticed that I have put the flag of the country of Belize at the top of this page. This is to honor the people of that great land, who have enjoyed my writing and supported me from the beginning. I salute you and your struggle for a better world. Also, please write and tell me what continent you're on. I forgot. Thanks.
PERFORMANCE STUFF
I currently perform with the EARLY MONDAY MORNING SHOW in BALTIMORE, MD. CHECK THEM OUT AT http://www.myspace.com/emmscomedy. Then come see the show!!!
First, a bit about me as a PERFORMER. I write and perform improv comedy and music. I have a PhD in Theatre, that most marketable of skills. I currently live in the BALTIMORE, MD area. Here's some places I have performed:
WIND Radio, The Chicago Comedy Showcase, Crosscurrents Cabaret- Chicago, IL
The Lucille Ball Comedy Festival- Jamestown, NY
WRQT Radio, The Pyramid Arts Center, Jazzberry's, WHEC-TV-- Rochester, NY
The Gunston Arts Center- Arlington, VA
The Center Stage Cabaret, The Cedarhurst Coffee House, UMBC Arts Center- Baltimore, MD
Here's what the critics are saying:
"Superbly radiant. He radiates in an electric way, sort of like 'Cats'"- Barry St. Barry- City Free Alternative Hipster Press
"Very Funny, real good, what time is it anyway?" ---Some guy at my last show
"Excellent show. Very clever and entertaining. What was I thinking, going to that crummy play?"--- Abraham Lincoln
It's been said that "writing is a great journey, especially if you travel a lot." My first published piece was a poem, and I never got over that high. The poem was titled "Armegeddon for Breakfast," and it dealt with my childhood memories of Williamsport, PA and my efforts to deal with the squalor I saw around me in contrast to my trips to the mall, where the "beautiful people" hung out. My poem was accepted by the "North Skyler County Literary Review," a small but influential periodical published in Nebraska. I was so excited I called the editor. He didn't have much time to talk, as he was on his way to work and he said it was his day to mix up the "secret sauce." I told him that I was elated to be published, and that I also wrote plays, books and screenplays, though not neccessarily yet. He assured me that the review was widely read throughout the country and especially in Skyler county. I hung up with a feeling of much respect for him, both as an editor and secret sauce cook. I'm currently working on a mystery novel, which I hear are very popular. I've been told that a good working title is crucial to the piece, and my title is a great one: "The Guy who Died and No One Could Figure it Out."
I'd like to talk about my home town of Sievers Point, MD. It's the home of, as the town boasts, "The Original Crab Cake." Made by Del and Amy Wando, it's a confectioner cake like many you'd see at a birthday party or wedding, but it doesn't taste like chocolate or vanilla, no sir, it tastes like CRAB!! So good it is that's it's patented, as well as protected against legal action against Del and Amy by those who eat it. We're very proud of that fact.
**We had a rush of businesses open up here, most notably at the new "Crab "N Anchor" Mall on Greenhead Rd. The town was happy to get a franchise of "Soapsapoppin," the children's theme restaurant that also features working showers. The idea is that the kids go there to have pizza and birthday cake or whatever and then cavort in the soapy fun. Parents needn't worry about the little ones klunking their heads on the tiles, as each kid is fitted with a bungee cord styled harness that stops them from falling too far. The ad says that the only bruises these kids will get will be from "laughing too hard." I've yet to visit the establishment, though the management describes the food as "gigglelicious."
Another restaurant giving it a go is "Big Apple Eats," a New York styled deli run by Doug and Wendy McAllister, who really lived in New York City for four months, and who promise to serve their food "hot and fresh, with a big New York City smile." Some of the menu attractions flagged for big enjoyment are "the ham and cheese on a Rolle, named after our mayor David Rolle, and served with the ketchup on the side, just the way hizzoner likes it" Also big is the "Middle Eastern Thanksgiving," which is turkey, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce all stuffed in a pita pocket.
I got some good duds at "PantsPantsPants," a used clothing emporium featuring top names at low prices. The store sells both perfect, and, as they put it, "slightly unwearable" clothing all arranged neatly on racks or in huge piles on convenient wooden skids. I found a great flannel shirt and a few pairs of jeans, although I did run across a shirt with three arms which I can only guess was originally used in a theatrical production.
I tried out a new theme restaurant called "J. Paul Spaghetti" recently. It's run by former local talk show host Eddie Deerksen. The place is pretty good except Eddie keeps interrupting you by coming up and talking about how "TV has gone down the toilet since they cancelled Mannix." It seems of little consequence to Eddie that the show is still on reruns, as Eddie is very upset about "All that youth crap on TV, like 'Miami Vice.'" Still, the food is pretty good, if you like spaghetti.
We had something rather weird happen recently. A local rock group called "Dumbo" played at the Point Pavilion. Some people were protesting outside that the group ruined the young people in the town and caused them to drop out of school and pursue careers in unemployment. The group started their set and included in it was a song called "Don't Quit School, you Dope." The protesters, who had bought tickets to the concert and were staging a silent protest by listening but not enjoying it very much, started bopping around and slam dancing. One of them fell and fractured a femur or something, but because he was a "Christian Scientologist," as he put it, he didn't want a doctor. He thought he could better serve his religion by lying there and yelling. Anyway, turns out the guy was the group's agent's son, and when the agent came out he really let into his son and the kid felt like about two cents. He ended up in the hospital and was okay, but the concert was really ruined. Everybody got their money back, except the kid with the busted femur.
I wanted to include an article from our local paper. It was in the "Happenings" section:
PARISH TALENT SHOW HUGE SUCCESS
The local Church of St. Xavier de Venezia put on a talent show recently, and all who performed deemed it a huge success. This reporter was pleased to see Mrs. Flo Craver of the local "Yard O'Yarn" store belting out her rendition of "Ballroom Blitz" much to the enjoyment of most of the audience. Also a big hit with the kids was local science teacher Roy Robb who created his own "science magic" including changing ice into water and frying a piece of fish. The orangeade was a little watery, though, but it was for a good cause, which I think was the church.
A recent poll of citizens of our town revealed their top ten picks for the persons they would most like to have dinner with. They could pick anyone, even the deceased or otherwise not alive. The list was as follows:
1. Abraham Lincoln
2. William Shakespeare
3. Jesus Christ
4. Rosie O'Donnell (just edged out by Jesus Christ)
5. Ghandi
6. Britney Spears
7. Batman
8. George Washington
9. Bart Simpson
10. The comedian "Carrot Top"
This article headed up the "Lifestyle" section of the Sunday edition.
By the way, the above page is fiction. Any similarities with any persons, living or otherwise, is purely coincidental.
Copyright 2007
Also read "The Spoof." HERE IT IS
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