Some CFS sufferers get better. Sometimes they take particular supplements or try particular therapies, and other times they experience what doctors would call a 'spontaneous remission' or perhaps a more religious person would call a miracle. In any case, they're well and the rest of us are still sick. Often, others try the therapy that apparently cured them, and it has little or no effect.

Those still ill are left wondering: what is the difference between them and me? Many people conclude the difference is in the mind or personality. Thoughts like, 'They got better because they tried harder', 'They didn't give up fighting this illness', or, 'They have better willpower' inevitably lead to 'I'm still sick because I'm not trying hard enough, I don't fight hard enough, I don't have enough will power...'.

This is incredibly damaging for one's self esteem and ability to cope with an illness. I do not subscribe to the belief that we are sick because of our attitude, personality or minds.

Trying to pin down the cause of this illness as a personality type (and inferring that people with 'type A' personalities are more likely to be ill) is a throwback to the 'illness as punishment' mentality, something that was very common in previous centuries and can be detected still in the modern day. There is a somewhat pejorative aura around the word 'overachiever', and saying that people are sick because 'they pushed themselves too hard' is like saying 'they went too far and now they're getting what they deserve'.

From the patients' point of view, it's as though we're trying to find where we went wrong, and imagine that we could have prevented this illness if we had just seen it coming. But be honest - who saw this coming? It took me roughly 2 years to discover this even had a name! After all, when were we supposed to realise we ought to have stopped 'pushing ourselves'? An internal alarm clock did not go off which said, "If you keep striving you'll make yourself sick". It's a situation we've found ourselves in, not one we've created.

We all know one of those irritatingly healthy people who might get the flu once every 5 years, if at all. And when they do, they continue to go to work anyway. Yet they do not have CFS. I know plenty of people who thrive on stress, who live a life featuring varying degrees of anxiety, and who furthermore eat badly, smoke and drink high quantities of caffeine. Are they sick? Of course not. There is much more to this illness than our personalities or past actions.

In short: we're not to blame for being sick. No one enthusiastically received a package from Illnesses Inc which said: "Congratulations! YOU have won several years of debilitating chronic illness! Just Sign Here....". While altering our attitudes might help us cope with CFS (or might not, I'm sure it's individual), it is not a cure. After all, if that's all it took, would a bunch of enthusiastic, intelligent, get-up-and-go types like us still be sick? I think not!

It's not our personality to blame, it's some malfunctioning part of our body (brain? CNS? immune system?). And when they narrow down which one it is, we will have THE biggest party during which we will throw darts at effigies of people who have accused us of making it all up in order to avoid life. I can hardly wait.

Lovely green sofa and orange chair supplied to me by Eric Henes.
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