<entrance exam>
* You have to prove that you are worthy of joining the club
What club?
* The club you are worthy of joining.
Who else is in it?
* You mean apart from me?
Yes.
* Exactly, you are absolutely right there.
Oh, well done me.
* Indeed.
What do I have to do?
* The procedure is always the same.
Let me in.
* I will my friend. You'll go into this place of evil - the Virgin Megastore - and rescue the holy grail from the unworthy pagans.
Where would I find this grail?
* The grail is manifested in all the CDs of Simon and Garfunkle which are available at this location.
May I purchase them?
* Indeed you may not. You will have to carry them past the beret wearing, fascistoid gatekeepers that are trained in several of the finest martial arts available and will interpret the alarm bells as a declaration of war.
I see. And where will you be?
* Where it's safe and warm.
Well then, wish me luck, my dear friend.
* I am afraid, I must not do that.
I thank you very much indeed.
* One thing though.
And that will be?
* You have to recite the complete thirteenth chapter of Joyce's Ulysses.
I'm afraid this one is unknown to me.
* In that case you may go, get the lyrics of Bridge over Troubled Water and recite them while obtaining the grail.
So may it be then.
<misosophical findings>
Even if you're paranoid, maybe they really "are" after you.
</misosophical findings>
<frail grail rail>
Move to pop section and find Simon and Garfunkle
Right pocket:
Bookends Sounds of Silence Wednesday Morning, 3 a.m.
Oops, forgot Check for cameras:
No visible cameras.
Left pocket:
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme The Concert in Central Park
Break seal:
Bridge Over Troubled Water
Take out booklet, open and pray:
+ When you're weary, feeling small, +
+ When tears are in your eyes, +
+ I will dry them all, +
+ I'm on your side. When times get rough +
Move towards exit:
Observing two grumpy, body-built, tough looking, big, illiterate, impotent, ego maniac, wannabe, failed, black, coldeyed, leathershoed guards who will take no shit, have no mercy, don't hesitate, have no humour, are much better runners, much stronger, much more skilled, underpaid, physically unchallenged and generally pissed off.
+ And friends just can't be found, +
+ Like a bridge over troubled water +
+ I will lay me down. +
Observe:
Wait for the best time to dash passed those guards. Preferably when a lot of people are going passed them so that they are confused for a short period of time or wait for a time.
Remember:
Don't attract their attention.
Move to bargain shelf to observe less obviously:
+ When you're down and out, +
+ When you're on the street, +
+ When evening falls so hard +
Observe entrance:
About 2 dozen smiling jap-teens entering store.
One guard staring at blonde slut whose miniskirt hardly covers her pussy hair. Other talking to buddy.
Assess situation:
Good opportunity. Slowly walking to exit. Trying not to cause anyone's attention. Moving slower to wait for most traffic between entrance.
Hold ... Hold ... Hold ... Now:
When will security alarms go off? Only when passing or when coming close. Maybe I can avoid them. Last quote in
+ I will comfort you. +
+ I will take your part. +
+ When darkness comes, +
Sudden idea:
Push japs, so that they fall and obstruct entrance. Initiating ... Succeeded. Passing doors quickly. Turmoil. Alarm goes off. Dashing forwards. Checking guards. Both aware. Both have tracked me. Both move forward. Both are caught in heap of smiling yellow people spread all over the floor. Quickly pacing away. Outside Megastore.
Choose direction to flee:
1. Left Oxford Street
2. Right New Oxford Street
3. Ahead Charing Cross
4. Behind Tottenham Court Road
5. Down Tottenham Court Road Tube Station
a Northern Line
b Central Line
+ And pain is all around, +
ad 1. Many people has pros and cons who will be more agile? probably them.
ad 2. Less people has pros and cons who will be faster? probably them.
ad 3. At present unable to figure where road leads.
ad 4. Unknown area nonevalid option.
ad 5. Possible cues at entrance however, cinematographic escape by slipping through closing doors possible yet unlikely.
Memo:
Next time plan escape route in advance, stupid!
+ Like a bridge over troubled water +
Decide:
Unable to. Stop wiggling your arse to left and right in indecision!
Check on guards:
One has almost fought his way through yellow mass.
+ I will lay me down +
Decide:
Oxford street. Running like a madmen as fast as deemed impossible.
Check on guards:
One following, 10 meters flashing insight: in imperial measures 30 yards behind.
Body functions:
Breathe in and out. in and out. in and out. one foot before the next. move left foot move right foot.
Don't stop quoting:
Hard to read these fuckin' small lyrics while running.
+ Like a bridge over troubled water +
in and out
in and o?t
Watch out:
Wow, almost crashing into geriatrics! Switching from pavement Oxford street. Avoiding oncoming cap. Cars' movements are easier to anticipate.
+ I will lay me down +
!n and out
Check on guard:
The bastard is coming closer. Grim, determined expression on his face. I can feel the floor shudder with every step of his giant feet. A mean motherfucker.
Where have I gotten mysel
Check on guard again:
He knocked over some tourists!
Turn around:
Wow, almost hit by a car!
Check on guard:
He is down!
Body functions:
Slow down a bit.
+ Sail on slavegirl, +
i& a=d out
in <nd out
Check on guard:
shit, shit, shit. He's up again, ... but ... he is limping.
He's wounded. The odds are in favour of me.
Maybe I can beat the living crap out of that fucker. Yeah right!
Determine who's fucking idea that was:
Regrets? Naw Absolutely no regrets. Just a bit hairy right now.
Lungs malfunctioning.
What slavegirl? What the fuck are they singing there? Rechecking. Slivergirl no Silvergirl. What is a Silvergirl?
+ Sail on Silvergirl +
Maybe I can pay him?
Change of direction:
Leaving Oxford street.
Maybe I can loose him in the smaller streets.
+ Sail on by +
Check on guard:
The bugger is still there. Who ever said today's youth had no stamina anymore?
[n +nd o$t
Read street sign:
Carnaby Street.
Hey, I'm on the famous Carnaby Street. The hippest fashion place in the 60s. Let's do an unguided/chased tour.
+ Your time has come to shine +
What? There isn't anything here apart from three or four tourist shops with London bric-a-brac. Boooh it's a ripoff.
"My parents went to London and all I got is a tshirt"
n' §n9 uo}
End of Carnaby Street. I am glad I did not waste any time on that one.
+ All your time has come
Let's forget this shit.
Change of direction:
Turn left.
Oh great, small streets, I can lose him here.
Where the fuck am I?
I bet he doesn't know either.
Ah, what the fuck - this is kinda fun -
+ to shine +
Check on guard:
The bastard is still there. I think I gained some space though. He is panting.
Memo:
The one who's running for his life is always faster.
ni )ad tou
So am I.
Panting, that is.
Check on guard:
Has he stopped?
Damn!
Change of direction:
Turn right.
Can't see the bugger anymore.
Lungs screaming from pain.
+ All your dreams are on their way. +
Check on guard:
He should be around the corner by now.
+ See how they shine. +
Body functions:
Slow down.
+ If you need a friend +
There he is. He has stopped. He has to lean against a wall.
Panting.
I am leaning against a wall.
Panting.
Guard speaks shaking his fists:
I'm gonna get you.
What, now? I don't think so. I'm walking away. Without a word. Too exhausted to think of anything to state my victory with.
+ I'm sailing right behind. +
+ Like a bridge over troubled water +
+ I will ease your mind. +
The guard remains there leaning against the wall, holding his injured leg, feeling his defeat.
Where the hell am I here?
Where is the next tube station?
Whose fucking idea was that anyway?
My lungs burning like after an anthrax treatment.
+ Like a bridge over troubled water +
+ I will ease your mind. +
I've had enough of that shit. I'm going home. Where's the next fuckin tube station?
</frail grail rail>
</entrance exam>
