Continued from Part One
Well, let no man say that all rockers are dense. Wazu could
see that Sarafina wasn't getting any business, and he could see
how his friend felt about her. He arranged things so the girl
joined them at their table, managed the conversation between
the two until they were comfortable with each other, and ducked
out at the first convenient moment, taking the passed out Mongo
with him. Mike and Sarafina talked into the wee hours of the
morning, exchanging only the briefest caresses between their hands.
When they went to their separate beds, it was hours before either
could sleep.
The day of the concert arrived and the Interstellar
Travelers rose to meet the challenge ahead of them. Mongo
was nursing a terrible hangover, Wazu was still missing his
girlfriend, Mike had the look of the cat that swallowed the
canary, and Nick was dragged out of some tart's arms down the
street. The Emperor was there in all his imperial regalia and
had named himself master of ceremonies for the show. The
satellite feed to all the inhabited planets of the galaxy
was ready to go.
"To all my loyal subjects. I would like to present to you, on
the first leg of their tour of the universe." The boys just glanced
at each other and shrugged. "Direct from earth, presented by me,
your Emperor Mort, the Interstellar Travelers."
Blaring guitars went out over the airwaves as the band
launched into their renditions of all the top hits, "just like
they sound on the radio." They went from the Rolling Stones, to
Led Zeppelin, to Steve Miller. Then they played Pearl Jam, Alice
in Chains, and Bush. The found that the more overplayed and
crusty the song was, the better the reception it received. It
seemed that with the millions of radio stations the citizens
of the galaxy received from Earth, they never had to listen to
the same tired song every half-hour. The band played an old
standard by the Black Crowes, and then launched into their only
original tune.
"I been travelin' round the galaxy
Don't know where this ship is takin' me
Been up all day, Been up all night
Crazy trip givin' me a terrible fright
Not a beer to be had, and the food is all bad
Lord, all I want is a pot to piss in…
What a funky trip, gotta get a grip
Space ain't no drag, but it's not my bag
Wanna go home, but I'm destined to roam
Searching, searching, searching
For a pot to piss in
Oh Lord, all I need is a pot to piss in."
The crowd went wild as the Interstellar Travelers walked
off the stage. The boys hoped that the galaxy hadn't heard of
the concept of an encore, because the had played everything they
knew (the crowd probably would have loved a reprise of a song
they had already played. In fact, they could have played the same
song over and over again). Mike thought their new song had gone
off well. The fact that the builders of the Lockwood One had
forgotten to include a bathroom had seemed like a natural song
hook.
Sarafina was waiting off stage as the boys rushed off. She
grabbed Mike and gave him a big kiss, their first of many as a
couple. Mike, feeling the euphoria of the moment, grabbed her by
the hand and led her out on stage. The auspicious words he
muttered in the microphone that day rang through history and
changed the entire galaxy.
"Long live monogamy!!!!!"
You can imagine the shock waves that raced through the
civilized planets of the galaxy. Within weeks, the Emperor was
deposed. A strong sentiment rose for Mike to assume the throne.
He graciously refused. He had another engagement to take all
his time. The process that Earth's soap operas had put in motion
thirty years previous was slowly reversed by a band of guys from
Columbus, Ohio. Monogamy came back into vogue. Suzanne Vega took
Wazu on a secret mission back to Earth. There he talked to his
girlfriend, who refused to drop out of school, but promised
she'd visit on summer breaks. Mongo continued to drink with the
best alcoholics the galaxy had to offer. Nick grew old alone when
he couldn't find a woman with whom he hadn't slept to fall
in love with.
The tour of the universe never came off, but the band
enjoyed moderate success playing on Nativity. With the drop
off in the sex trade, the Interstellar Travelers became the
cash crop of the planet. They played fourteen sold out shows
a week at A Womb With a View. They were the biggest music act
in the galaxy until the eighty-year-old Rolling Stones toured
the galaxy on the second Earth space ship, the Lockwood Two. They
were the only ones who could afford the ticket prices.
Speaking of the Lockwoods, Kim and Brett met each other while
on a hiatus at the Betty Ford Clinic, and were married a year
later. They enjoyed three happy, sober years together until Kim
went on a binge and ran off with Chad. They proceeded to blow all
their combined millions on a bender in the south of France, and to
kill each other over the last twenty-dollar bill. Brett found
solace by buying a ticket on the Lockwood Two, and ended up falling
for the madam at A Womb With a View. She had fallen on hard times
and was working as a chambermaid in the house.
Mike and Sarafina married in a very public, very solemn
ceremony. They had three children and lived happily ever after.
