• Hello everyone! This is just a little note from your friendly neighborhood (choose one) Jena, Jeanna, J-Byrd, Gee, Killer, Girly Tenor. I just felt like typing up a general notice to you all, and to all a good night. Everything is lovely here in Red Hot Mama-Land. (Keep in touch with Mama Kin, tell her where you gone and been, livin’ out your fantasy, sleepin’ late and smokin’ tea, yeah.) The Rock-A-Thon is fast approaching, and promises to be a good time had by all. Next weekend... "The 17th Annual Double-J Hoedown Shindig." (please leave your spurs and cattle prods at the door.) Bid a hundred quarter dollar on the nag bid a hundred quarter dollar on the nag, now half now half now hundred fifty dollar on the nag...... Oooh Elijah, ooohh, Elijah!!!!!!! Oh. E. Li. Jah..... Elijah Rock, oh Elijah Rock Elijah.... Comin’. I’m. Comin’. I’m Comin’ Up. Lord!!!!!!!!!!!! (Hallelujah Jesus!) Let’s go now, come on come on, get your pooooooooolllllleeeee...... Let’s go (doo dee doo deet.)
  
• On to more serious matters...
  In Chelmsford High sports today, the Lions lost yet another football game. Biff, what do you think? Well Chuck, I think it’s caused by a few things. What are those few things, Biff? Well, I’d have to say one is that the men in maroon seem to be having some trouble remembering that their teammates are the ones with the same shirts as them. Also, they don’t know it, but we’ve switched their regular jock food with Folger’s Crystals.... Well, thank you very much Biff. No problem Chuck. Okay, in today’s weather, the skies looked a little stormy, but it appears to have cleared up. This is good, because we all know that if too many people notice that it is raining, there won’t be anyone at the game to make it look like we actually support our team! We all know that we’re there to see the band. (But you have to let me in, I’m with the band...)
  
• Doo doo doo doot, doo doo doot (tv news music noise)
  NEWS FLASH!
  
• Congratulations to Kol Birke for passing his license test without having to pay off the teacher!
  
• Happy Birthday to Janelle Rockett (17) Jendal.... uh, Dull (16) Tanya Herron (17)
  
• Happy Veteran’s Day, and all enjoy your day off in a slightly law-abiding and responsible manner.
  
• Only 19 more days until we all get to stuff ourselves silly with turkey, cranberry sauce, squash, pumpkin pie, and all those other good Thanksgiving foods.
  
• 41 days until Winter Break!
  
• 26 days until Hanukkah!
  
• 46 days until Christmas!
  
• Since first term grades have just closed, we can all breathe a sigh of relief, and start worrying about second term. But don’t start yet, because we have three whole days of unmolested peace!
  
• My condolences to my fellow Pre-Calc H period 5 sufferers. We can only hope she makes a severe mathematical error in estimating our grades.
  
• About 12 days until Opening Night of the Manaechmus Twins. If I spelled it wrong, TOUGH!!!
• The C.H.S. Home Page is slowly becoming reality. If you have any suggestions for content, please contact me or Andy or Mrs. Swierzbin. And if I spelled that one wrong, Sorry.
  
• I have officially proclaimed Altoids and IBC two of the most best (?) comestibles.
  
• If anyone wants to try a weird new thing, drink ORBITZ. It is the freakiest drink I have ever seen in my entire life. Yes, the little thingies are edible.
  
• Quartet (JByrd, Buffalo, Rickshaw and Flaming Gerbil Rocket) will finally perform on December 1st. What and at what time, we know not yet. But we will soon. Any suggestions for a name? Give them to one of us, but we might not use it.
  
• Okay, I have officially rambled enough, and will now sign off. This is Bob Barker advising you to spay and neuter your pets. (Actually, don’t! On that note, my poodle, the ever lovable Molly Bean is pregnant! This is the Molly Bean of the Estro-Chant "Who’s so cute? Oh, Molly Bean.")
  
• Drive safely, please gather all personal belongings, take small children firmly by the hand, exit to the right of the train, and tip your waitress!!!!!
  

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Writer's Notes:
The following notes were not included in the original newsletter. They are intended to explain to the reader some of what was meant by various items in the newsletter.
Jena, Jeanna, J-Byrd, Gee, Killer, Girly Tenor and Red-Hot Mama are all names of mine. My real name is Jena, and the other two names from the list that I go by are J-Byrd (because I talk so much) and Girly Tenor (because I am.)
The entire first paragraph is rambling nonsense of mine. Much of it quotes various songs. The "17th Annual Double-J Hoedown Shindig" refers to Jendal and Janelle's birthday party. The Rock-A-Thon was a fundraising event held by Youth Ministry, in which we rocked in rocking chairs for 12 hours while watching movies.
Even though I wrote the newsletter pre-game, I knew the Lions would lose, which they did. CHS's colors are maroon (red) and white. Marching Band is the highlight of the game.
The "she" in the part about Pre-Calc H is our teacher Mrs. Nordengren. We had a particularly hard test or quiz around that time that no one did well on.
Menaechmus was spelled wrong, it is M-E-N-A-E-C-H-M-U-S.
The CHS Home Page is still an utter pipe dream, and Andy and I gave up on it a long long time ago.
Quartet never performed, and at the moment, we are temporarily dissolved, due to personal conflicts between members.
The "Estro-Chant" is the female counterpart to "Hubba hubba?" "Ding ding!" which was chanted by the male cast members of Drood. The females made up our own chant at an "Estro-Fest" at my house. It came from everyone saying "She's so cute" when they saw my poodle, then asking her name, and cooing "Oh, Molly Bean" at her.