Your base charge is $5.95 a month, including premium channels, but you need to rent special glasses at $79.95 a month to watch them.
The customer service operator hums after asking you to hold, because the company has no hold music.
When you call customer service they politely ask you call back later, because, they say, right now they have yet another disgruntled customer is in the lobby with a shotgun demanding everyone's full attention.
* From the upcoming book "Is 5-Inch Mildew Normal?!" A Book of Homeowner Humor
c 1997 Sandy Lindsey
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