10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From The Babysitter Who Watched Your Kids So You Could Spend The Weekend Camping*

by Sandy Lindsey

1. "Did I say $5 an hour? That's until 10 p.m., after 10 p.m. my rate jumps to $15 an hour. It doesn't return to $5 an hour until 9:00 a.m. the next morning."

2. "That was really cool of you to leave me that steak and lobster dinner in the fridge."

3. "Help! Help! Somebody let me out of the closet!"

4. "The kids were just showing me your embarrassing photos."

5. "I'd like to introduce you to Officer Ferrante, it seems that Little Laurie didn't go to sleep last night like I thought but was making crank calls to the Governor."

6. "Little Nickie? He's up there pretending to be a chimpanzee on the chandelier."

7. "The doctor says that despite eating all three bowls of your holiday candy Little Debbie will be all right. However, I don't know if I can say the same for your white carpeting."

8. "But Little Billy said that you've let him watch the Playboy Channel ever since he turned eleven."

9. "By chance do you remember how many kids you left with me on Friday night? Please tell me it was only three, not four like usual."

10. "Did I say $5 an hour? I meant $5 per child per hour."

* Exerpted from Campers Roasting On An Open Fire: A Camping Humor Cookbook. c 1998 S. Lindsey

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