2. "What exactly do you mean by "those weren't weeds, and I wasn't supposed to mow them?""

3. "Due to unexpectedly heavy ordering, your seed shipment is going to be delayed until _________ (any date three weeks or more after you were supposed to have planted the seeds).

4. After you've just spent your entire weekend getting your yard absolutely perfect: "We're from Bill's Lawn and Landscape Service and we were just driving by when we spotted your yard. It sure looks like it could use our help."

5. "We're from the city and we're going to have to dig up your front lawn to get to a broken storm pipe."

6. "Have you met Freddy, my new pet rabbit? He keeps getting out of his cage, but I tell myself not to worry. After all, I always know where to find him and your tomatoes are so very good for his diet."

7. "Every time you put down grass seed you attract such interesting birds to the neighborhood. You really should do it more often."

8. "There were some very polite young fellows here earlier today who said you'd sold them your trees. Why, they had most of your yard dug out and hauled away in less than 15 minutes."

9. "Those aren't pea plants, that's poison ivy."

10. Just before your best crop ever is ready for harvest: "An early frost is expected to descend upon us tomorrow."

c 1997 Sandy Lindsey

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