2. Do not refer to your hunting dog as "the other woman in your life."

3. Do not mention your UFO abduction experiences until at least the third date.

4. Do not expect a woman wearing a dress to be happy about climbing into a truck with tires that are taller than she is. Be sure to warn her to wear jeans.

5. Your favorite faded Dukes of Hazard t-shirt should be saved for the fifth or more date, unless, of course, it's the only clean shirt you have.

6. If the woman drives, never, ever try to get away with spitting tobacco down the side of your seat on the hope that she won't notice. She's not like your slobbering fishing buddies, so you must always roll down your window when you need to spit.

7. Never compare her figure to that of a Coors can, even if you're trying to tell her that she's real sleek.

8. Deep Woods Off! is not a substitute for deodorant.

9. Never tell a woman straight out that you can't have her name tatooed on you because your Mom, who is so proud of your bicep bearing her name, would be psychotically jealous.

10. Do not invite a woman to go cow-tipping if she's wearing high heels.

c 1997 Sandy Lindsey

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