writeone...

I got his email address from poking through the archives of the Raindogs mailing list that he's on. Perhaps not all that ethical, but I wanted to know where he is... the killer-tiger-around-town syndrome. (If there's a man-eating tiger running around town, don't you want to know where it is?)

So anyways, I had been unobtrusively observing, until the email was sent out the other night. (I later found out that his ex-wife had sent him an email the same night, and we both had no knowledge of the other's actions... honest.)

So, I get an 8-page-long letter in reply.

I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it. Nevertheless, I got it anyways.

He informed me that he had been keeping tabs on me since I got *my* new computer, and told me that he had been through this site, and acted like I would be violated that he did that.

He gives himself too much credit. By putting this up, and am allowing you, people I know, and people I don't know, access to my life. There's nothing up here that I'm ashamed of, and nothing that can be used against me. This site is just pure vanity- by me, about me, and for me. That's it.

There is nothing on this site that I wouldn't say to Jon in person, if I were ever so unfortunate as to see him again.

He then informs me that all debts that he has to me were absolved by my own hands. As mentioned in the post yesterday, yes, his ex-wife and I got rid of everything that he had left at her place. Allow me to point out a few salient issues:

He moved out mid-January. Don't quote me on it, but I believe his last day in the apartment was Jan. 17th, 1998.
He took the majority of his things to his ex-wife's house, to be held there for a few weeks. (until he found a new place)(A.k.a., a new person to mooch off of)
And there his things sat- for four months, before his ex-wife and I went down into the basement in mid-April, and found all of his stuff still there. (She had been under the impression that it was gone, until her younger brother told us otherwise.)
We planned to take the stuff and sell it, but until we found out what the legal ramifications would be, we put it off.
Jon obviously heard about the 'plan' (so to speak) and must have mistakenly believed that we *had* gotten rid of all his junk.
In the period of January to June, he had plenty of opportunity to come, and at least check on his stuff- or to move it- and he never did.
After he moved out of state (sometime around Father's day, this past June- how fitting) his ex-wife and I got rid of his stuff. (Checked with a lawyer, it was considered abandoned property, and therefore she had a legal right to get rid of it.) Bammo. (or, as my brothers would say: "Shot down!")

Then he goes on a "me, me, me" kick, blah blah blah.

Cut to yesterday... he read the posting I put up yesterday, and I got another email (thank you, just what I want, shut up already...)

He tells me that it was my fault that he didn't make any loan payments, because he was couch surfing then. So? It makes no difference. He had a job... so, where's the problem?? I couch-surfed, and I kept my job. Thus, that is a lousy excuse.

He then tells me that I had six months in which to file the papers for small claims court, and that I didn't file them (therefore, somehow proving to him that I didn't have a case, or something). Well, I contacted him in April, and told him that since he wasn't paying on the loan, I wanted either the computer back, or I was taking him to court. Well, needless to say, I never got it back, and I went and looked at what I needed to do to file small claims. Well, because by that point he was living in Milwaukee, I would have had to gone down to Milwaukee to file the claim. Well, pardon me for living, but at that time, that was next-to impossible for me... I had a full-time second-shift job, plus a baby that would've needed to have been taken along, in addition that I have *no clue* where the Milwaukee County Courthouse is. At any rate, the papers didn't get filed in time.

After some more "blah blah blah's" he gets to what seems to be the general point of the message: "I will not be paying you any child support. If I am not good enough to be a father in your eyes, then my money is equally worthless. I love you, and I love her, and if I were somehow able to be a part of your lives, to repair the mistakes I made, I would give you everything I had. But that is not the way of things, and your desire for child support has nothing to do with Epiphany, and hence, I don't care."

Ah. So apparently, he has the right to spawn all over southeastern Wisconsin, and then not have to take responsibility for it. Wow. It must be nice to have a dick, so that you can do that. I bet that feels good, hey?

And, as to why I don't want him in my (or my daughter's life) and more, I give you this clip from his first letter to me:

"There is so much that you could write about me there, all true, and paint me as a villain of the worst nature. You could say I took you for granted (I did), that I was not strong when you needed me to be (I wasn't), that I doubted my love for you at a time when I should have been surest of it and in so doing hurt you beyond my ability to repair (I did), that out of lack of a feeling of self-worth, I became a bum, sucking my sustenance from you emotionally and financially (I did), you could say that I was lashed out at you at times cruelly when I should have turned to you for help (I did) and you could even tell the world how in my darkest moment of desperation, to have you back, I took your body against yr will.

But you don't."

Well, I guess I just did... not in my words, but his.

Re-read that, and then wonder why I do not want him around me.

Anyways.. thanks for letting me spew all over all ya'll... The next entry will be better.

{Nov. 2nd, 1998}

Hi guys.

I had a nice weekend!! Isn't that just swell???

Friday, just after finishing the previous entry, I went to see the play at school- the 'Rimers of Eldrich'. I really liked it- it jumped around a lot (kinda like a Tarantino movie) so if you're really trying to pay attention and follow it religiously, it doesn't make all that much sense... but if you just sit back, and let it wash over you, it was just great.

One of the guys I hang out with at school was in the play... um. And we'll call him Duckie. (Yes, don't worry, I'll be updating the biographies page at some point.) And his girlfriend was helping out (and I don't have a name for her yet). And so, after the play I drove them to Duckie's house, where we sat and watched TV for a while- We saw 'Celebrity Deathmatch'- an MTV creation where claymation famous people beat the crap out of each other. For instance, it was Pam Anderson vs. RuPaul, Gary Oldman vs. Christopher Walken, Hanson vs. the Spice Girls (which ended abruptly when Marilyn Manson dropped a light fixture on the lot of them... Go Marilyn!!)

Ok, so then Duckie & I drove his girlfriend home, and went back to that place, since I still had another two hours to kill... and you know what?? It was great!! I actually got to have a *real conversation* with someone for the first time in ages!! A real late-night conversation, the very best kind there is. {{{sigh}}} It was wonderful... it's been soooo long since I had one of those.

At any rate, the two hours accidentally ended up being four hours (whoops). So I got home at about... oh, 5:00. Eeek!

Getting home that late normally wouldn't have been that big of a problem, but I had to get up early because some friends of mine were getting married... Massajim & Merrie (if you click the link, use 'back' on your browser to get back here). Actually, they were renewing their wedding vows, and it was just gorgeous... really nice church ceremony, and a tasty dinner...

But see... there's a problem. While I'm very happy that the people at the weddings I've gone to are happy (including this last one, this is the third wedding I've been to in the past 2 months, then there's three more that I know of next year already), there's just been too many lately... and I'm always at them by myself. and that just gets me maudlin. Sometimes you just get tired of going everywhere by yourself, ya know?? I've said it before (and dammit, I'm going to repeat myself), but right now, I don't even *care* about sex, or any of that sort of stuff... what I just want is someone to hold me... 'cos sometimes that's what I need more than anything else. Or to just sleep with someone (and I mean 'sleep' in the truest sense of the word, no hanky-panky involved), because there's nothing better than falling asleep, and then waking up in someone's arms. There's *nothing* better than that.

Anyhoo, so I cut out of the wedding early. The dance had just started, and so I watched Massajim & Merrie dance their dance, and it was very sweet. Then I left.

Now, I had known that a bunch of other people from school were going to be heading down to Milwaukee for Hallowe'en Eve, and since they had invited me to come along, I figured, "What the hell...it'll put me in a better mood than staying at the wedding all night." So, I met up with them. Kinda felt a little bit outta place... just about everybody was wearing costumes. Duckie's girlfriend was dressed as Princess Leia (buns & all), we had two Drag queens- one was Duckie's Girlfriend's brother (got that?), and the other was Punk Boy (dressed as raver girl), and then we had a dead person, and the dead person's girlfriend, who was dressed as... something. I'll ask her tomorrow.

So, only Duckie and I went dressed like we really were. Oh well.

So, I finally was introduced to a great bit of Americana that I had only heard about: going to the Oriental Theater in Milwaukee for the midnight showing of the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'! Yay! (and yes, for anyone who cares, we 'Time Warp'ed in the aisles. Happy?)

So I got home uber-late again. And then yesterday I didn't turn on the 'puter all day, since I had promised myself that I would spend all day obsessively paying attention to my daughter to make up for being so busy over the previous few days.

And that was my weekend.

{Nov. 4th, 1998}

"November seems odd:
you're my firing squad..."
    ~ Tom Waits, 'November'

Um. Well now.

While there's quite a lot of stuff that I could be writing about, I'm not. My personal life has just gotten waaaaaaaay too weird right now, and I'd like to keep it all private right now- keeping it all to myself, nobody else can have some, nyah nyah nyah.

Um- yeah.

What is it with autumn: why does all sorts of weird stuff happen then?

And why do boys seem to prefer red Kool-Aid over any other colour? It seems like all of them do... (while my favorite is green Kool-Aid, but oh well...)

{Nov. 6th, 1998}

"This is our last chance,
This is our last chance
This is ourselves...
under pressure"
    ~ Queen (w/ Davis Bowie), 'Under Pressure'

I am so terribly proud of myself: this is the first time since, like, grade school that I am maintaining a straight B grade average!! Yay for me!!

I find it so hard to believe that we're half-way through the semester now... It seems like it just started a few weeks ago... but the finals are coming up in just a little over a month... eeeek!

A very good friend of mine who lives in Chicago (the 'Becky' I flew to Detroit with) has invited me to come down and speak to her class about my experience with my daughter. See, she's a clinical psychologist, and this semester she's teaching a class that deals with the way that parents react when their child is in a life-threatening situation- or something along those lines.

So, anyways, she asked me to bring down Epiphany and speak to her class... I'm so excited... I mean, c'mon... you want me to talk about my daughter?? Oh, you twisted my arm, you forced me into it... {{{sigh}}} I think that my problem will be shutting up about it.

Oh, and you must, you must, you must go visit this page. It's done by a very good friend of mine- Drake, who was mentioned in the bios page.

Go check his page out, now!!!

{Nov. 9th, 1998}

You know, you're never going to believe this, but... I've just recieved another email from my ex-boyfriend, and- can you dig it?- he wants me to put up his stupid letters for you all to read!!

He wants me to change what I've put up here as well! Well, I'm sorry, but what I've got up here are my thoughts, my feelings, and my opinions. And yes, my opinion is that he's a huge dick, and that he's really screwed me over in a lot of ways (whether it was intentional or not, it still happened.).

So. If anybody actually cares, and wants to read them, email me, and I'll be more than happy to pass them on.

There. Now hopefully I can get on with my life, without any more unwanted, unwelcome, and unsolicited emails from him.

Jesus Christ. We've been broken up for over a year, and he still thinks that he can control me.

Tell me to Shut The Hell Up.

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