POETRY, HOPE AND HEALING

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I have learned to live with cancer and  have found hope and healing through writing and reading poetry. I have breast to bone cancer and will never be cured.  My cancer is inoperable.  However, I have responded very favorably  to treatment. I have come out of the shadows to dream ... to dream.

        OUT OF THE SHADOW

ABOUT ME

This is my story told in Poetry form. The words and thoughts flowed only as I could face things.  Some of my experiences are still too painful to share and will perhaps be born a poem some day
The word of diagnosis came, I knew the news was bad, and hid from the world as my husband spoke to the Doctor on the phone.  We then shared the pain.

 SHARING AT 3:00pm
 

That night as I lay in bed I tried to fight the fear; sleep never came.

                                 THE BOGEYMAN

Next was chemotherapy and going bald.  I let the world lead me around and hid from reality.  I don't know how my dear husband got through this time;  his love and support were constant and he continued to tell me how much he loved me even as my hair fell out and I was becoming very familiar with the porcelain god

 COLD COMFORT

My head hurt as if my hair were tied in a thousand tiny tight pony tails.  My technician in the radiation department suggested I have someone cut my hair and it would relieve the pressure. That night my husband and daughter tried to make light while my they cut my hair. I cried as each snip of hair hit the floor and then when it was over I stared at myself in the mirror and this is what I saw.

 THE LOOKING GLASS

Cancer takes us all to some very strange places.  I got lost in deep winter.  Very ill after aggressive chemo and radiation to my spine and hips. I was in a neck brace 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I fought my way back and surprised even the doctors.

 DEEP WINTER

After it was over and I started to face the reality of life I decided to live in the moment.  Things began to speak to me .  I would get up in the middle of the night to write and to purge all the fear and horror of cancer .

                                  THE POET

I think other cancer patients might be able to identify with me on this one.  It is such an unusual experience to feel normal when you are so ill. The world continues going on around you and with out you.
The moment's that you do feel normal are so very precious. I had a moment of feeling normal and I knew it was fleeting but I tried to capture it so I could hold on, and look at it whenever I could , just so I could remember .

                                                                                            .  UNTITLED

 

Oh, everyday and every moment begin to speak to me! I loved life and was thrilled to be a part of all the joy and beauty in the world. Spring sang sweet songs to me and I wanted to devour it!

 SEDUCTION

                    Life is so sweet!    The end of the summer I became a little melancholy and  sat with my husband on the front porch enjoying the summer breeze this poem came

     AUGUST

The last two poems that I wish to share in this series are a complete contrast to the first two.  I noticed this when I went back to read what I had written in my journal.  My first poem;  I was hiding in the bed with sheets pulled up over  my head, hiding from the world, waiting for the bad news.  My husband and I shared the most horrible moment of our lives  when he carried the news 'like vomit".  The second poem is also in the bed alone with my thoughts in the dark of night. I hope the last two poems show how far I have come and how I felt the healing of the spirit in THE DREAM.  Wow, it amazes me how much healing has taken place through writing and sharing. I am most grateful for the PoetryPlus room on the internet in Talk City. I have found wonderful friendships there and the encouragement to share and to continue to write.
I end this little story of  fear, hope, love and dreams, with the following:

 SLEEP
 

 THE DREAM

October of 1999 my cancer reared it's ugly head again.  I finally had the Mastectomy that I thought I would have had in 1996.  It appeared that the metastatic disease in my bones was under control and a mammogram showed a new tumor in my breast.
I wrote the next poem about my surgery.  The first verse is
where I am in my life. Second verse is me fading away during the
surgery while my surgeon and I fight this cancer, the dragon.
The last verse refers to facing life and having hope keeping the beast at bay.

 SHE WAS AUTUMN
Hot Links

THE POETIC VOICE

KEEPING THE FAITH - CANCER SUPPORT

FRIENDS IN NEED -A SUPPORT FORUM FOR BREAST CANCER

 

 

 I have learned to live with cancer and put the fear of dying from it to rest. I live  in the moment, laugh a lot and love with a passion my husband, children and those who have supported me in my time of need.

UPDATE:  My cancer has returned and I have just finished a year of weekly chemotherapy- gone bald again.  I now have
metastasis to the liver. The chemo has not been successful.   The begining of Febuary 2001 I started on Xeloda.  This drug seems to be kicking back the cancer and we are praying that this will
be the one  that  works for me.  I remain hopeful and Praise the Lord for each day!

I have lived to see the birth of a grandchild, Hannah is my joy and hope for the future.
 

     If you have comments or suggestions, email me

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