"COOL IT!"
Sephiroth and Vincent stared at Yuffie. "What?"
Yuffie backed as far away from the Masamune as possible and clawed her way up the far wall of the cave, then glared at the two of them. "I said, cool it! Geez! What is WITH you guys?!"
Vincent and Sephiroth exchanged glances. Vincent shrugged. "Don't ask me," Vincent said. "She's like this all the time, and she still doesn't make any sense to me."
"Shut up, Vinnie." Yuffie stuck her tongue out at Vincent. "I mean it! You are so SERIOUS all the time! It's freaking me out! I mean, come on! 'Is there any reason you can think of for me not to kill her'?!" Get real!"
Sephiroth glanced at Vincent. "What is she babbling about?"
"I said, don't ask me."
Yuffie made a loud, exhasperated noise. "Oh, please! Just look at yourselves! 'I'm so cool, I've got a great big sword, I think I'll go and destroy the world'! What is WITH that? You could at least have gone insane in an ORIGINAL way! ..it really is a cool sword though, could I just... no? ...didn't think so... where was I? Oh yeah. And YOU!" She rounded on Vincent. "You're no better than he is! 'Oh, sob, sob, I let my girlfriend get knocked up by some nutso scientist, sob, sob, sob, I'm a freak of nature who came back from the dead and has a great big freakin' claw for a hand, sob, sob, sob, I'm such a loser, I think I'll go lock myself up in a COFFIN for the next few decades!' Geez! People screw up! It happens! GET OVER IT ALREADY! ...Besides, I think the claw is pretty cool."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You've got the whole vampire thing going for you, too. You'd be amazed at all the girls who dig scrawny pale guys in coffins these days."
"..."
"What?"
"...'Vampire thing'?"
"...You mean you're not?"
"NO!"
"...oh."
"..."
"Well, everybody says you are."
"Who does?!"
"Cloud, and... I don't know... everybody!"
Sephiroth looked Vincent over appraisingly. "You have to admit... You do kind of look..."
"I AM NOT A VAMPIRE!"
"Okay, okay, chill out! It's no big deal." Yuffie placed her hands on her hips. "My point is, you guys both take yourselves WAAAAAYYYY to seriously. Lighten up a little! You don't have to kill a sweet, innocent, and really really cute girl just because you can't think of a reason not to! ...hey. Why couldn't you think of a reason not to?! Vinnie! I thought we were pals!"
"Where did you get that idea?"
"Aw, come on, Vinnie! We've been traveling together for... for... I don't know, for at least a couple of days! Come on!"
"The first noticable thing you did after I met you was to steal all my materia and run."
"...Well, yeah, but..."
"That's not exactly the best first impression."
"Well, no, but... um, what's that noise?"
"Sounds like someone... um... laughing. Sort of."
The two of them turned to stare at Sephiroth, who had turned away from the pair. His shoulders were shaking. As they stared at him, he suddenly burst out laughing. Well, snickering, anyway.
"What's so funny?!" Yuffie demanded.
"You! Do you have any idea how long it's been since anyone's stood up to me like that?"
Vincent watched, eyebrows raised. "About an hour. Cloud just fought you. Remember?"
"That's different!" He grinned at Yuffie. She took a step back. Well, tried to anyway. She'd already backed up into the wall. "You know, I think I'll let you live. Did you really steal all his materia?"
"Of course!" She drew herself up to her full height (which was still nearly a foot shorter than the other two, but you've gotta give a girl credit for trying.) "I'm Yuffie Kisaragi, Master Materia Thief! ...What?!" She glared at Sephiroth as he doubled over in another fit of laughing.
"Nothing, nothing. Of course. Master materia thief. Of course you are. This is just too good." He straightened and flashed her another grin. "You know, when you're not sitting on my chest and poking at my eyes, I kind of like you."
"Really?"
"Do that again and I'll kill you, by the way."
"Oh, yeah, of course. And you know, when you're not pointing swords at me, I think I might kind of like you. Of course, I've never been in that situation, so I can't really tell..."
"Oh. Yeah." Sephiroth glanced at the Masamune as if surprised that he was still holding it, and sheathed it with a flourish.
"Cool! Do that again!"
Sephiroth gave her an odd look.
"What?"
"The fancy trick with the sword when you put it away. It's much cooler than the way Cloud does it. Come on, do it again."
"Don't make me kill you."
Yuffie sighed. "Geez..."
Vincent cleared his throat. "Did I miss something?"
"No, just mutual respect between two completely insane psychopaths."
"Oh."
"Hey! I'm not a psychopath!"
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not."
The sword point was at her throat again. "Yes, you are."
"Yes I am. How did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"The sword was in the sheath and then it was at my throat. It was like it didn't bother with all the space in between. That was cool. Do it again. Um, in reverse though. So that it goes back IN the sheath. Like that. Yeah. That was cool!"
Sephiroth grinned. "So, you're a materia thief, huh?"
"Yup!" Yuffie nodded proudly, and began inching away from the wall. Her back was beginning to itch.
"What if I was willing to trade you some materia for something?"
"Depends on the materia."
"This one."
Yuffie stared at the glowing round black ball that had suddenly appeared in Sephiroth's hand. "Is that..."
"The Black Materia."
"COOL! A materia that's important enough to have both words start with capital letters! COOL!!!" Vincent elbowed her in the ribs, and she managed to stop drooling. "...Wait. Wasn't that the evil materia that you were gonna use to destroy the world?"
"Is that a problem?"
"No, of course not, I was just curious. But, um, don't you still need it to destroy the world?"
"Oh, that. No, not really. I was never actually serious about the whole 'destroy the world' thing, anyway. Just for laughs, you know. I did manage to make a huge mess out of Midgar, which was mainly what I was going for. Those SOLDIER people up there... man, what a bunch of idiots! And Shinra's even worse! Ever since the war ended, they've become just a bunch of..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "Never mind. You don't need to hear me ranting. Anyway. You interested?"
Yuffie's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What do you want me to give you for it?" She frowned, looking him up and down. "You're good looking and everything, but you've got to be at least twice my age, so if you think I'm going to agree to..."
Vincent and Sephiroth stared at Yuffie, then at each other, then back to Yuffie. Vincent's eyes bugged out, and Sephiroth started gagging.
Yuffie glared at both of them. "What? Well, I'm not letting you try it, if that's what you were thinking."
Sephiroth stared at her. "Why would I WANT to? That's disgusting!"
Vincent nodded his agreement. He was even more pale then usual. "If you'll excuse me, I think I'll just go throw up now..."
"GEEZ!" Yuffie scowled at them. "I happen to be very attractive!"
Sephiroth snorted.
"Well, I am!"
"Fine, fine. Whatever you want to believe. But, um, no. That's NOT what I was going to ask."
"Oh. Good." Yuffie hesitated. "Why not? What's wrong, I'm not good enough for you?!"
Sephiroth looked at her pointedly.
"Um. You don't have to answer that."
Sephiroth shook his head. "To get back on topic... I was going to ask the two of you to accompany me on a trip I'm about to take."
Yuffie glanced at Vincent. He shrugged. "That's all?"
"More or less."
"That's basically what Cloud asked me when we first met up," Vincent muttered. "Then he let on about Hojo. We wound up fighting... well, you. And your mother."
"Oh, yeah, mother. How is she, anyway? I haven't seen her since that mess with Cloud."
"Dead."
"Really? Wow. I didn't think the old bat would ever die. Nice job. Anyway, do you want to come with me?" He tossed the Black Materia up and down and glanced at Yuffie.
She watched him suspiciously. "Are we going to go through ridiculously unnecessary danger and wind up risking our lives for some mysterious purpose that you don't feel like telling us about?"
"Well, yes."
"Oh. Okay, then. Sure. When do I get my materia?"
