5-14-96
Am I awake or am I asleep? I am not sure anymore. My mind…my heart…lost. I cannot find myself. What is this? Am I insane? Who can tell? Who can help me? So many desperate ideas…fantasies really…dashing valiantly behind my eyes to escape only with death with a pen on paper. Unjustifiable murder to my dreams, my writing is. I can never express what I truly feel, want, hate, desire, lust, pity, weep for…I can never weep. An awakening of the soul…heart?…tragedy unbound…spoiled hopes smell like sulfur…paradise has lost its allure…it's repulsive. Am I sleeping? Will I ever wake from the dreams and fantasies that guide my pen? I ask-plead-the empty void of friendship from help. For I cannot help myself.

5-18-96
Adrenaline surges uncontrollably through fury-starved, violence-hungry veins. The heart trembles with terrible joy and fear. The heart thirsts for victory, and the mind coincides perfectly in desire. The stomach feels with fear, fierce fiery pain, and the body is nourished.