c97 Atlantic Canada All Rights Reserved
Here is my most recent manuscript of poetry. Though I haven't searched
hard, I haven't found a publisher for it all yet, so in the meantime,
while I'm still looking...you can preview my work here in the sweet
creative flesh. Critiques are welcome, however, I usually don't read them.:)
If I find you are sending me a poetry critique I'll probably use the "D"
key real fast. Why? Poetry to me is art through the medium of words.
Personally I don't think you can criticize either. Views are personal to
the writer and reader involved in the creative process of the particular
piece. Interpretation both of form and substance can change therefore
according to the wind and the moon and.......how many drinks one might
have had that eve. What I do love to read though are comments about how
my poetry made you "Feel" or what you "Thought" of when you read my
poems. That to me is the meat of my work - as is with the meat of all
artistic endeavours. The Mind. The Heart. That is where it all originates
from. Please enjoy my work....all poems are protected by copyright. I don't
mind you using them for anything...just don't sell them or publish them
without my permission. If you do, send me some of the royalties, that
way I'll be able to afford to sue you...if I can catch you that is. Take
care and thanks for dropping by Poetry Plus.
I along with an angry head
beseech they homage of the dead
I clad in my oppression
ostracized at first impression
Watching Wanting but rarely listening
you tippy toe I hear you hissing
you leave in limbo I recall
anticipate a docile fall
BUT..........
I clad in your transgression
reaping my servile repression
balk you dare you all the way
and leave you longing
my pithy day
TMayc94
I long to tell you how I ended up in the land
of the walking wounded
traipsing on a foundation of nothingness
as my limbs hunger for solid ground.
I ache for the familiarity of my past
all the while waiting for those memories
to surface so that I can be released
from my illusions of safety security and a home
Upon that release
I will allow myself to live
in the shelter of this day
TMay c94
She runs toward her
with long locks draping her shoulders
capturing the innocence which has been
jolted from her spirit
before it has had time to choose
Those eyes
are piercing and aching to speak
but never daring
She is happy to see her though that would go unnoticed
unless someone took the time to look more closely
through that soft aggression
Weeks pass
She begins to tell her tales of tiny accomplishments
She responds with huge acclaim
trusting that her voice will be amplified
in that wounded psyche of hers
long after their time together has ended
She watches her leave and sheds a tear
Then with a heavy heart
she writes a report which goes filed under
"Chronic Case of Child Neglect".
TMayc94
She is the glass that
you press your lips against
She is the faceless flower
decaying in the frost
She is young and old
She is what you want her to be
when you want her to be it
She is free to be who she is
but she is never that
She is
withering and withering and withering away
gasping and gasping and gasping for air
gasping for a breath
gasping for just one puff of
confidence.
T. Mayc94
You are still sitting there
behind that wall
in your cell
you watch the grey minutes
turn into black days
Mothers clad in pity
circulate your spirit
as you adorn yourself with defiance
Officers and those wearing white collars
drop by to tell you that
"you are forever free"
You humour them all and listen with those fabricated eyes
as you dream of breaking through the dark evening ahead
and doing it all over again
Only next time....
you'll do it without.....the fear.
T.Mayc94
Tonight
in the Persian Gulf
the sky is "lit like a christmas tree"
Missiles and warplanes
adorn the branches of suppression
"Gifts of life please."
T.May c94
My soul is breathing yours seized in shame
This can't be love though I may say that it is
This can't be love for the thought of lying next to you
Makes my blood nauseous
This unsaintly attachment that has crawled beneath my skin
has formed a life of its own
but
as is always the way
good things have their finale.
T.May c94
The silence has been thick since you fled from earth
and hurled yourself into the spirit world
Sometimes I almost see you in the distance
but then I become disappointed when I catch up to your image
and it disappears
I still carry your soul in my pocket
Your spirit still breathes in things that I do
I feel you often as you watch over the world
It's nice to know that you are so near and that you know
You will never be forgotten.
no
my eyes are not black...this time
my ego has not even been bruised
it is only self perception that tells me
that I have been used
get out...get out of my way now
so that I can live LIVE live alone
is that not the way a poet "should" be...free
in my lonely plight
i hate these streets at night
hauntingly watching sips of a socially acceptable drink
for the sake of warm insanity
until...down the walls fall among the faceless throng
should a poet even be here
unprotecting the child
listening to such calls of the wild
hello hello.....hell hole hello in the hallow hole
you're still still
and fooled
again
and again
and again and again and again.
must you follow the pack for the confidence you lack
though you're ripped and you're torn i'll be damned if
i'll let you conform.
T.Mayc94
Dutifully
I sat through the ceremony
dry
I didn't get an award
nor
did I expect to
Instead
I counted the tiny white crawlers
that were playing together on my plate
They opened their souls for me
with gratitude my knife played back
until it caught one and raised it
Lovingly looking back at me
eye to eye - it winked with a tint of compassion
The ceremony came to an abrupt end
"Thank you Thank you and come again"
"I will" I thought but next time I'll bring a pen with me
and I may even eat my rice.
T.Mayc94
Mine is a lonely life up here
dangling above the earth chasing bright lights and such
Once at the silver line I saw you
but you melted before I could touch you
Yours is a lonely life down there
dangling with reality
I watch as your soft froth twirls itself into rage
Quickly the tide turns
and I am swept under your current searching for food and serenity
I am a seagull at my best
you are Ernest Hemingway or Vincent Van Gogh at yours
T.Mayc94
Out here on a limb
I challenge you authority
Corruption is written all over my heart
You are an empress today
but what does that matter when the dust flies
Though it can be glacial out here.....
I beg to differ.
T.Mayc94
With sparkling pure eyes you come to me
posing as a friend
with a fresh Greene attitude
you bestow gifts of time comfort and other luxuries upon my lap
as you lay trusting me to trust
I DON'T
You come closer and I clip your wings
Just as the wind comes to carry me back to safety
you reach for me with those pretty claws
You anticipate attainment but instead we split and you lose me...
GREENE.
T.Mayc94
Blood sifts slowly through her angry veins
She's left cold (but wanting to be warm)
She drives her thoughts (with all her might)
to pure and ancient times where....
they once called her a hemophiliac of emotion
as she desperately sought signs of approval
from you .... a somebody
Once she sat sipping vinegar from a straw
until her lips went white
then she became white without want
Ever since that time
she has sat with nothingness on her brain
so that she could be considered sane
like you
Real you...the you that's who who is here with me now.
T.Mayc94
Death by Death
Row by Row
I plant the seed
and you lie and watch it grow
Black on Black
White on White
You give me signs
I beg and plead in the night
Distant seas are crossed for you
as you saturate and bask in the view
Wanting Waiting Not yet Forgiven
I am erased as you find your heaven
Graves are still I beg your part
that I might lie with an empty heart
Death by Death
Row by Row
you came my way I lie and watch you
as you decide to go
TMayc94
Here I am again
plucking feathers from a ghost
Here I am again
alone again
but this time it is by and of my own accord.
While I am here I must nurture these hands of experience
and use them to wash away (without denial's lather)
the shadows of my deep seeded past
During these lucid moments
I will scrape the char from beneath me
and I will do the job patiently
Without rage.
T.Mayc94
Alone
I drove myself to the hairdressers
I sat in the big chair on the lap of nobody
I sat there shamelessly
On the brink of interdependence
I told her to take my curls and cut them all
shorter than short
She did
This time
I didn't keep them tucked away
far away
under the blankets in the bottom drawer.
T.Mayc94
Bestial my heart
I have suffered long and hard for you
Along with my preoccupation of your need
I secure my place in your expectation of womanhood
with my seed
Hiterto I yield
to your gentle man's touch and as well
to your mindless penetration
and to your boasting of upright acheivements
In boredom I banter about
contemplating your need for a penile-brain implant
T. May c94
As I sit over here paralysed with fear
I watch imperfection breathe into the crevices
of my oh so tiny life
Nasty little wrongs weave large waves into my scheme
Just like cancer my faulty lot
grows and grows and grows and grows until it can grow no more
Then alone and marred "I gather the crumbs from under thy table"
and though you suggest I am unworthy
I begin to examine my oppression with an angry head
then and only then I begin to disperse of my paralysis
TMayc94
On the day of my party the sun will shine bright
I promise that
Friends will come from the four corners of everywhere
and though they will have never met before
they will greet each other with zeal and bask in adoration on mutual ground
They will begin to form lasting bonds
There won't be a single moron at that party
Everyone will lounge on wicker chairs on the front porch
they will watch the waves crash softly against the shore
as they brag of cats, bookcases, potted plants and such
Later we'll make a dash for the pool and we'll all jump in together
Noone will be afraid because we'll all be there to save each other from
drowning
I will even jump in the deep end, just for the heck of it
For snacks we'll eat pasta and tortilla chips covered with warm cheese
We'll sing and dance to the tunes of 10,000 Maniacs
Then we'll slowly unwrap our gifts, memory by memory
The nicest part of all will be that noone will ever have to leave
T.Mayc94
I lie in my insomniac trap
My blanket of weariness lies with me tightly covering my bones
Eagerly awaiting a rebirth my body wrestles with my aching spirit
Down .... 1
Down .... 2
Down .... 3
Something's gotta give
Me reeking in the sweat of your neglect
You reeking in the vision of your reject
Leaves it all cold and scrambling
Ah but in the midst of my disarray in all of that
I am blessed with an ability to cast doubt on your ability to control me
Finally with this validation in tact
In the early a.m.
I am able to rest.
T.Mayc94
What if I die here
alone alone alone
with noone really to call my own
What if
alone alone alone
I find a home somewhere inside where I haven't cried
and haven't died
alone
What if I have to roam
alone alone alone
What if I die here in this unforgiving ungrateful and hateful state of mind
Thinking of all that I have left behind
Nothing and Noone
alone alone alone
What if I die here
What if I die
What if I
What if
What
What if I don't
What then do I
Do I decide to
LIVE
T.Mayc94
The hole in your soul cannot be filled tonight with sugar or me
You ache for some sweetness but instead you lie in sour dehydration
I watch in giddy horror as that weed clings to you and sucks the life
from your body but mostly your soul
Addict
you are lost in a pool of self hatred and your bones are creaking
as they ache for love
T.Mayc94
The tide is coming in far too quickly
I feel chained by the "see"
I fear that I might be drowning in it
Soon ( I am convinced) the surf will rise
and I will ride along a wave
in all of its moistened glory
The icy spray will trickle down
my self-righteous back
and I will be obliged to let it change me
T.Mayc94
I sit in awe as my rage is transformed momentarily
into covert creativity
My menial life tasks are transformed momentarily
into overt ostracism
I admit that something needs changing
SPACE......
and
........TIME
You come into my life and slowly the contractions begin
the pain INCREASES
Finally
after a lengthy labour
I breathe some life into a minuscule emotional
cockroach
T.Mayc94
There she lay in June of '92
between the pages of personality development
She had lived all of that before and was far beyond
the pleasure principle
Her traits stood firm
While entrapped in her mental set
she managed to study herself there in the print
She read that she could be unpredictable at times
and that radical change was highly unlikely
Finally as those around her "spoke in tongues"'
She eased away silently pleased
that there was such a thing as impulse control
since the notion of screaming raved
T.Mayc94
My pages crumpled and critiqued
have never created images
of the two of a kind kind of love
My words do not always extract
imaginings of the soul
the way "real" poets do
Sometimes swiftly but not without precision
I can bite my fears and my blackness
until I find COLOURS OF SILENCE and other colours
Privy citation complete
I say to myself and to you should you be listening
This is my creation my poem
T.Mayc94
Once when friends weren't plentiful
you flew from the edge of my world
without interrogation
You looked through me with those fleeting eyes
as you faded out of my dreams
You are not here now you were never here
though your presence pretended to be
I am not there now I was never there
though you would have like me to have been
If you were to search for me now
you would find me flying low
cautiously clinging to feathers of liberty
with all of my might
T.Mayc94
I stand before you in judgment
and in the center of the purity in your eye
I see the reflection of my contorted image
Is there a full moon or is that insanity I see
I bounce around in front of you desperately
trying to rearrange that projection which you insist belongs to me
Nothing works
I become devoted to and then devoured by your glare
but the moon finally fades and the sun rises
at last you are pushed towards the view in the mirror
T.Mayc94
She is not the image which once circulated
in that state of intense intoxication
Slowly and soberly she must seep through the deep water of a still soul
Through a frozen tongue comes forth everything that she needs
Grasping and gasping for air (without encouragement)
she acknowledges her bruises within
and allows them to melt her icy palate
Finally when the thawing has been complete
she trusts that she is ready to speak for herself
T.Mayc94
Sometimes in the morning
when the tap is dripping
or the toilet just won't flush
or my chequebook doesn't balance again
Sometimes when there is frost on my window
or the kitty litter reeks of life....
I think of you
Sometimes in the evening
when all is warm and safe
and my cats are well fed and tucked into bed
I am free to indulge in frivolities of the spirit
Sometimes when I drink my perrier on ice
or delight in the scent of my perfumed incense
filtering through the steamy mist of my candlelit bath
I think of me
T.Mayc94
She watches in reluctant awe
as he fills the room with computations
and transforms her simple data into samples of depth
with his perfected statistical control
Her mind wanders to linear regressions
of another sort
She is swiftly brought back to random reality
as the fragments on her page
are linked through his correlational wisdom
She is left meandering through the haze of his calculations
as she ponders the central limit theorem
and the nature of the mean
Her conclusion: though this seems all so very intriguing and enlivening
She is confident
that somewhere beyond that mathematical efficiency
there is a lurking variable aching to be considered
T.Mayc94
With windswept days and nights
and vicious hints of destruction
she enters
a life
She hath no mercy
Her target is
everything in her path
She's forever ablaze
from the castles of fire
burning within her soul
The torrent of pain
which is her cloak
is also her
but......
If your foundation be solid
her stature will appear
as an illusion of a gentle and true
friend
T.Mayc94
This is not the life for everyone
mine
which is tangled in such notions
as that dirty hole of loneliness
and tiny blessings of cat hairs and candles
This is not the life for everyone
clingling softly singing
to rhymes and different times
of tried and troubled blues
This is not the life for everyone
freedom with a price
This is not the life for everyone
but it's mine
all mine
T.Mayc94
Look up
Look way---------------------------up
In an elevated and educated room of gloom
Sits the friendly giant
His power pains us all
In ways that are sometimes
Difficult to express
He in white
and place of proper privilege
has something
we will never even dream of touching
Friendship of a stuffed giraffe
T.Mayc94
Orphans galore
voiceless we were
drifting through the halls and walls
of Mt.Cashel and other horrors
Unnurtured and drenched in aloneness
we dug through the souls of our insides
aching to find a dream
that we could call our own
Fully grown
we begin to sift through our post traumatic stresses
with the hope of finding a bit of life inside
which might have been left
untouched
unscathed
and able to love
T.Mayc94
There we lay drifting apart
further and further
afraid to speak
There we lay alone together
breathing our hearts away
breathing our souls away
breathing time
until
it finally ended
NowI lie alone alone
breathing my heart away
breathing my soul away
breathing time
wondering
where do I go from here
T.Mayc94
You came here today
because of a technicality
You looked through me
and talked
of your raise and the weather
The hours that slipped into years
are gone - I know that
but they were spent together
Next time there is a technicality
I wish to see it in the mail
T.Mayc94
For the first time in my 30 years - a lifetime
I touched two tiny hands of birth
Hope did spring eternal for one cal moment
When I left the room my mind raced back
To the last time I travelled these lonely roads
That were -and still are-
Reeking with the aura of death
There are subtle suggestions
That this island's people are alive and breathing
For example the birth
But it seems there is mostly lost life here
I am left to grapple the breath of some wide wing
That searches and longs for change
Though it pains me to peek at this rock's life - death
The brevity becomes me
And
I leave I must leave it behind again
Alone
I am left with the nagging realization
That there is no other way out......
T.Mayc94
Row by Row
Class by tribal class
In a little world of statistical analysis
I perch proud - and mighty loud
As I go deviating from the mean
Lives of plastic data
Surround me and abound
And give voice to lost and lifeless passions
Of course I am lost too
Though in another direction
I am lost on that desolate arm of unnatural purpose
I am adrift among the habitual population
Responding to the tune of "Survival of the fittest"
I march embellished in the comfortable notion
That there is nothing in common in these rooms
Save the colourful histrionics of that survival
Which entails....
Entirely....
Different...
Breeds...
T.Mayc94
She entered the little box
Which had a window in it
Someone else was there to respond
To the trivia of the day
Nature was also present
Awkward and raw
She stumbled and mumbled her way
Through the illegible encounter
With the lesson almost learned
She hop-footed it right out of there asap
As she left she felt a tiny scar
Forming on the peripheral of that wounded heart of hers
She felt the urge to run
The winds were strong though and held her tight to the wall
That place which encourages thoughts
Her thoughts there are usually not pleasant
But this time one was
She made it home safely to the circle which is her world
T.Mayc94
As night descends
one is able to feel the sweet, clean
Breath of a dream
as it passes by.....
It may be a dream
of a child's eyes looking into your own
it may be a dream
of finding calm waters on a stormy day
it may be a dream
of finding love where there is none
As dawn ascends
all that is left to feel
is that torn and splintered - recklessly abandoned
Breath of a life
as it passed by............
T.Mayc94
Do you fear what we've found here
As I do though I don't want to
Instead I'd like to think with me you'd stay
But fear I do and you would too
If you knew internal me who needs to be set free
Scared I am to give a damn
In case I find I'm left behind again
For if I cared and you weren't there
I may grieve and the world might see
The real me who lacks security
Perhaps I will stay until
You decide to leave
Perhaps you won't
Believe
That being close is what I want the most.
T.Mayc94
Let us share our rugged pasts
Our tales from coast to coast
I want to know what it's like to be older
You want to know what it's like to be younger
The only differences between you and I
Are the lines of age surrounding our spirits
T.Mayc94
Those two tiny hands of birth
reached out on that sultry day in June
to offer me and the world
a speck of a miracle
You grasped at the muggy air in front of you
and you playfully fumbled around in the space
which has been granted to you courtesy of the great big world
Your eyes remained closed for most of my visit
and I don't think you knew that I was there on Day 2
of your arrival here on the wide earth
I WAS there though catching those rays
and sharing a breath of the newness of life
and Tyler
I was truly amazed
Until you appeared this world - including me
lay squandered and aloof in sombre preconception
now it is ready for change and willing to accept
the gift of hope you brought with you
T.Mayc94
there is a cold wind inside ripping at your soul window
frothy tears are forming in the pockets
of what you believe to be a hero's eyes
Down
Down
Down
it all falls chilly down
into the black night
no fear and no flight
it is how it is now
what you want it to be now
finally it stands
as it is it is
a long way from a home
alone
as it is it is
A LONG LONG WAY FROM A HOME
it is a cold night inside and out
it is
it is cold
it is cold
cold cold cold
it is colder than cold itself
it is as I say
cold.......
T.Mayc94
Seagull Seagull let me catch you
Pitch your soft wings near the sand
Closer Closer soon I'll get you
You're the fairest off the land
Seagull Seagull water chills me
Not to touch it but to sea
Seagull Seagull it's much colder
Glide by here enliven me
Come on Seagull I know you want to
You're getting closer taunting free
Let me taste those wings of glory
Let your spirit swell in me
Seagull Seagull don't keep waiting
Let your life be joined with mine
While I lay deep not resurrecting
Forever you'll fly high with time
T.Mayc94
Karma driven on my coincidental trail of the day
I sat down
when I saw you there
my body began to dangle on the edge of my little seat
I felt a twinge of hope stir inside
in its brevity it agitated my soul
it spoke to me through a firing whisper
in that moment I wanted you to reach over to me
with a plea of forgiveness hanging loosely from your pretentious lips
I wanted you to squeeze my soul
piece by velvet piece
I wanted you to pretend again to be
who you pretended to be for me
I wanted you to want me harsh again
I wanted you
then rolling and rolling and rolling and rolling it over
in my sweat infested brain for 20 minutes or so
I realized that space and time were becoming rather clumsy
I realized too that it would be to my advantage
to leave you and that lonely twinge behind
since it all just might FUCK UP
the rest of my day
T.Mayc94
Twisted and obtuse lie by very nature
imaginative caricatures of the mind
cold by very nature are pools of stony silences
used for creativity sublime
A sparrow's vulnerability with soft and broken wings
lie by very nature
waiting to be mended once again
Lie by very nature sparrow forged its ailing spirit
climbs the tree and gently flies away
T.Mayc94
Infantile-like is the broken wing
of that safe place inside myself
concave is the wall of my spirit
looking inward eye to eye and cheek to cheek
I WISH
Desertion at its best keeps me stronger and stronger
stronger and stronger and even stronger
until
I arrive at my comfortable space
of solitary confinement
where a voice softly whispers - in one ear and out the other
I must must must must must must trust....before I die
T.Mayc94
Old wounds lie now
Burning through that empty soul
Staring out from behind those eyes
Calling
Screaming
Tears are falling
Take it all back now
Hold it back instead now
Can't go back now
Something is lost
Nothing is gained from that pain
Begging Begging Begging Begging and Begging for change
Won't work now
No love is lost here now
Behind that wall of fear
Listen finally listen finally womyn now
Tears are falling falling
falling
falling
falling now
Tears are falling
Her tears have fallen on
DEAF EARS
T.Mayc94
Down into the wall
Near the hall - way of the crawl space
She thought - she saw a glimpse
a rather tense and frightening old face
She longed - to be let up
but it seemed - it wasn't time yet
She cried - but noone came
and her feet were
getting all - wet
She want-ed to be free
To crawl up out of the cel - lar
but someone came along - stole a grin
and then took - away the ladder
Now - that she is older
and her time is a little rent - ed
She takes - a closer look
At her life that has been dent - ed
There is no - one left of honor
To tell me what it was I did see
So I tuck my thoughts away
With a hope it's not a memory
c96 T.May
There
is
a
sultry
odor
as
your
sweet
refuse
gets
tossed
then
burned
in
my
incinerator
c.97 T.May
**end of manuscript**
All pages are Copyright Protected TaMarah May
c97 Atlantic Canada All Rights Reserved