October 13/1997

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEND A CONDOLANCE NOTE PLEASE WRITE : john_denver@juno.com.

The only thing that has kept me going the past 24 hours has been the music of John Denver that I've been playing all day and the mountains of notes coming in from Rocky Mountain High - the fan club that I've been a member of since getting online. I know I am not alone in my grief and it helps a little. Thank you Emily and all the other members of Rocky Mountain High for being there and here...in my soul. For the other members of HIGH or fans of John Denver who are hurting...feel free to contact me...I'm here for you too. :)

ANOTHER LOVE OF MY LIFE HAS LEFT THIS EARTH

Where and how do I start to express my grief on this one? I feel a little dazed and confused still and as usual...I'm not dealing with grief really well lately...I CAN'T CRY...and I keep trying!

John Denver makes me think of home, of my family life that didn't work out as well as I would have liked. Of a life that though difficult, has taught me precious gifts of values, integrity, and honesty. John Denver's main belief was that music could bring people together and he was so right. His music was one of the only things that kept me and my dad from screaming at each other or worse! Introducing me to "John Denver's Greatest Hits" was one of the best things my father ever did for me in his lifetime. Often between Sesame Street songs, my dad and I would sit in the front room listening to "Take me Home Country Roads" and "Leaving on a Jet Plane". He would laugh at my dancing and he would help me learn all the lyrics so I could sing along just right.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE OF JOHN DENVER EXPRESSING HIS HAPPY GO LUCKY SPIRIT. THE SPIRIT WHICH MADE ME AND MILLIONS MORE, ADORE HIM. :((

Later when music began to be my "raison d'etre", my love for John Denver's music just grew. By the time I was 13 years old I owned 12 John Denver Records...the collection is mixed with tapes now and my favourites were his lesser known songs...that he wrote in the 80's and early 90's. Songs that were never on a hit parade...touched my life as much as "This Old Guitar" or "Rocky Mountain High". To be quite honest I've never heard John Denver sing anything that didn't appeal to me..oh well perhaps one...PERHAPS..."Perhaps Love". :) When I got a standing ovation for singing in highschool, John Denver's "Looking For Space" was one of my songs. The lyrics went like this

LOOKING FOR SPACE

On the road of experience...
I'm trying to find my own way
Sometimes I wish that I could fly away....ay .....
When I think that I'm moving...suddenly everything's clear
I get lost in the sunshine of my dreams.

And I'm lookin for space
Just to find out who I am
And I'm lookin to try and understand
It's a sweet sweet sweet dream...
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
Sometimes I'm deep in despair. ..............

Looking for space? It seems I was looking for space as a teenager and I still am...those words always hit me hard and were easy for me to sing. I loved learning those old songs, so when I took up the guitar a few years later it wasn't surprising that the first song I learned how to play was "Annie's Song". From there it got easy to decipher chord progressions and tunes and pretty soon I learned most every John Denver song I wanted to know. I had a good thing going...eventually writing my own songs and even cutting a demo but my confidence took a beating and I sold my guitars and stopped singing. Maybe it's time I start again because one thing is for sure...I never want John Denver's music to die....

Here is a song that is quite eery when you read the lyrics. It was part of John Denver's 1983 "It's About Time" album. It's beautiful.

ON THE WINGS OF A DREAM

Yesterday I had a dream about dying
About laying to rest and then flying
How the moment at hand is the only thing we really own
And I lay in my bed and I wonder
After all has been said and is done for
Why is it thus we are here and so soon we are gone?

Is this life just a path
To the place that we all have come from
Does the heart know the way
And if not can it ever be found
In a smile or a tear
or a prayer or a sigh or a song

And if so then I sing for my father
And in truth you must know
I would rather he were here by my side
We could fly on the wings of a dream
To a place where the spirit could find us
And joy and surrender would bind us
We are one anyway
Anyway we are more than we seem

There are those who will lead us
Protect us each step of the way
From beginning to end
For each moment
Forever each day
Such a gift has been given
It can never be taken away

Though the body in passing must leave us
There is one who
Remains to Receive us
There are those in this life
Who are friends from our Heavenly Home
So I listen to the voices inside me
For I know they are
There just to guide me
And my faith will
Proclaim it is so
We are never alone

From the life to the light
From the dark of the night to the dawn
He is so in my heart
He is here he could never be gone
Thought the singer is silent
There still is the truth of a song

Yesterday I had a dream about dying
About laying to rest and then flying
How the moment at hand
is the only thing we really own

And I lay in my bed and I wonder
After all has been said and is done for
Why is it thus we are here
And so soon we are gone
Why is it thus we are here
And so soon we are gone.

OH these words are stinging my heart as I type them today. True writers touch souls and that's when they know they've done a good job. These lyrics run deep and I'm sure they will, for years to come. John Denver has been THE most influential writer for my own poetry. Without his lyrical presence in my life I don't even know if I even would have been published. He has been that great a gift to me.

Years ago when people teased me about boyfriends I would always say I wanted a boyfriend like John Denver. Later when I'd boast loudly that John Denver was my 'dream man', I'd usually get laughed at or looked at in wide eyed surprise. To some of the world they saw a light haired geek...with a scratchy voice, a far cry from the 'dream men' of his time like Sylvester Stallone, Robert Redford and what the world classifies as "real hunks". In Denver I saw a tall, slim, blonde haired, gentle soul that touched mine! It was his soul I was attracted to along with those sleek blonde locks... He certainly always was, and will remain in spirit my dream soul. That is not to say I didn't see the darkness in some of the lyrics of his songs and in the semblance of his personal life that I heard about through the media. In both regards I again...connected and that is what he was all about. Connecting with souls. I remember an ex of mine who used to tell me to take the picture of him down from my bedroom wall and boast that he was far more of a man than my idolized John Denver. Well he didn't last long...he had no soul...but I still have my picture of John. :)

Most of us in John Denver's fan club know that John was planning to go up in the space shuttle Challenger in the early 80's, but after some training...those plans were changed and the powers that be decided to put a teacher in his place. John survived that tragedy and after the Challenger accident, he did what he often did to help ease his shock and pain...picked up his pen.

Here are the words of the famous poem by John Gillespie Magee, Jr. that he had adapted into a song. The words are all about flying...:

FLIGHT
(The Higher We Fly)

Oh I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the sky on laughter silvered wings
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds and I've wheeled and soared
And swung high in the sunlit silence
Hovering there I've chased the shouting winds aloft
And Flung my eager craft through footless halls of air.

refrain: The higher we fly, the farther we go
The closer we are to each other
The darker the night
The brighter the star
in peace go my sisters and brothers

Up, Up, the long delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights
With easy grace
Where never lark nor even eagle flew
And while with silent lifting mind I trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space
Put out my hand and touched the face of God

refrain:

Again, I connected with this soul through his love of flying. He reminded me of my uncle who was a big part of the better parts of my childhood. Uncle Steve would fly across the country in his own tiny Cessena from Washington State to come visit us in Newfoundland. I'd always be filled with so much anticipation about the visits...he'd be so full of fun and new experiences. He'd help me and my brother make car sized kites out of newspaper and we'd get into all kinds of havoc when these huge kites would take flight and they'd come tumbling down on the electrical wires in our community! What excitement! I'd always stare at him wide-eyed as I listened to him tell stories about his adventures. He brought pictures of him being featured in news stories back in his hometown and once had a picture of him landing face to face on a highway coming nose to nose with a huge transport truck. Seems he had to make an emergency landing...and missed a messy accident by a matter of seconds.

When I was older and would go to visit him out west I found he still hadn't lost that bug. Once, he took me in his tiny plane past Mt. St. Helen's just after the second eruption. He turned the plane sideways so that I'd get a better photo taken...Well...I got my pictures alright, just after I got overwhelmed with the heat and situation and threw up...When they lifted me out of the plane in Oregon I was weak at the knees but happy!

be back a little later.