November 10th/1998

Well haven't my diary entries gotten a little scanty? (Not to mention my fans!) I just checked my quota of fans and it's gone way down since I cut back on my web life and gotten a REAL LIFE. So much has happened since my last entry. I'm now a married woman for gosh sakes and I live in a climate that I've only dreamed of all my life. I walked out on my veranda today to catch a few rays of the 70 degree sun and then took my cuddly pooch for a walk down by the duck pond before winding down to do chores around my new place. I can't believe so much has happened. If someone had of told me this time last year that this is where I would be heading, I would have said you were NUTS....America? a man? a dog? a fireplace? A DUCK POND IN NOVEMBER...(with ducks in it?????) Well...finally a few grains of happiness. Don't get me wrong. LIFE sure isn't perfect, I'm suffering the pangs of poverty after a move and a long bout of unsteady work, however, I have someone with me to whine at now, a great boost to the confidence. What a difference to have someone to snuggle into at night and care about how my day went. I get snuggles no matter how bloated I am with PMS or no matter how stinky my breath is.

I like this married thing. I hope the feeling of like lasts forever, but I'm sure I'm still in my honeymoon mode...then again, I've heard some people stay in that forever .... I hope we do....:)

I've been in this new country for less than a month and am comfortably moved in, have found some new friends and have an offer of an excellent job as soon as my immigrant position is taken care of. Honest to god I feel like a walking pin cushion. I've never had so many tests or immunizations in my whole life. I'm coming from a fairly healthy country, so I can't imagine coming from overseas where the health perils are deeper than they are in my dear Canada, which incidently, I haven't missed for a single moment since I've gotten here. Whoops. :)

One of the examination questions for my immigration papers asked if there was any known insanity in my family. Now, that had me stumped. Well...first...describe insanity please...and I thought this exam was supposed to take less than 4 minutes to complete??! My next thought was that, only an insane person would admit to insanity...so perhaps I qualify...answer..."NOT SURE" so - on to the next question.

Well I can tell that it is going to take much more than this little note I'm letting out here to win my fans back but I'm still not about to resort to the fake page counter trick to increase my "status". Then there's the trick of putting so many pictures on a page that your counter goes nutso and adds 5500 to it every time a link is accidently chosen. Some people resort to putting nude pictures on their pages and playboy/playgirl links just to get a hit.....well...let's see...if you don't come and find me cause you want me...I think I'll stay quite remote here. They say remote viewing is becoming quite popular nowadays anyway. However, there are the figures from my favourite TV show SOUTH PARK I'm going to put on my page soon...and I can't wait to get my link to Judge Judy on my site...that's GOT to do something for my fanclub. If not? I'll have to go down in history as having had a web readership of only 2...me and my cat...hey it's better than seeing my head attached to Farrah Fawcett's body just for the ratings...ah....but I can be so fickle...where's the scanner ? quick quick! see ya...night night

November 30th/1996

Well....you guys are so shallow. I put some glitter and glitch to my page and YOWSA...you're all over me....Well...there's more coming so hang on...I do like hearing the comments I've been getting about my new page and all, but my main concern, of course, is that I get those deadened emotions going!...:) Don't get me wrong...I don't want all my readers to live in the rollercoaster type of existance that I do, however, I do like to get the old tinker going for you all a little. I love making people laugh, the best. Crying is good too...but if you're anything like me, you've cried too many tears for one lifetime.

I've noticed that since my dad passed over into the spirit world a few months ago, noone can look at me sideways or I start to howl. It is nothing for me to burst into tears while on a crowded bus, walking down the street or like the recent tirade...right in the middle of the grocery store...call me whimp, suck....or just plain NUTS, but I've been crying far too much lately. Don't get me wrong, I see tears as a healthy release of sadness and madness, however, too many tears means it's time for the guys with the little white coats to come by and rescue me...and believe me, I don't want to see any little white coats!

Some people don't cry enough and go around with a wall so thick that you'd be better off trying to communicate with a polar bear than try and be around them...Then there's the whoooosies...like me. You look at them with the wrong impression on your face and whaaahhhhhhh ..... you'd swear you were standing in the middle of Africa during torrential rain season. I have never been the TOUGHEST EGG on the counter, that is for sure. Strong,yes, but not TOUGH, however, this is a bit ridiculous. Perhaps this type of experience is what has made PROZAC a common household name. I would prefer the natural remedies though like GinkGo Bibloa or St. John's Wort. Even though there are no sound studies done on these picked - from - the - earth healers, I'm sure the ancient wise people of European descent knew alot more than any modern day science wizard. Nothing is new in this world and though you give someone a few books, alot of beer and a medical degree, they don't come out of it all any wiser. The unread Seth's of the past had the information long before any of us ever did. It always makes me laugh when I see these modern day "healers" adorn their office space with degrees and medallions. I've always wondered after seeing such visions, what was indeed missing in these people's lives and why I never saw pictures of healthy and happy people covering the walls as testimony of their life work.

Though I'm far from healed emotionally in my life I do like the natural direction my health is taking. Despite recent distortions that appear to be showing up on weight scales every time I step on them, I'm still taking a turn towards better health.....I'm very spiritually healthy these days, full of it in fact! (There are witnesses to this fact!! LOL) On a serious note, I eat now. I'm a far cry from the borderline anorexic I appeared to be a few years ago. I proved it a few days ago when I was celebrating my first Thanksgiving celebration in the United States....I stuffed myself! Oink Oink....Ended the occasion with a nice warm piece of my very own Pumpkin Pie creation and since I didn't want to appear rude to my guest, I had to taste the dessert that was so kindly bestowed unto me. After a frightening portion of German Choclate Cream Cake...I put my fork to rest. I ended the evening early so I could turn on my Yoga tape. I burned calories away as I slept I guess, then woke up hours later without guilt. I must have done something right! Though St. John's Wort is still an option, I have decided to wait til winter. I mean this 70+ weather is just too tempting. They say once you take St.John's Wort you have to stay out of the sun or you'll turn into a walking blister....Too bad so Sad...and sad is where I'd rather be right now even though my tears are far too frequent than would seem rational...I'll take a few more tears...if it means I can get my belly rubbed with tan oil. Hey sure I'm sick of tears, but at least I'm crying in the sun and not in sub zero winds. Touche` Nova Scotia touche`...eat your cold cold heart out. *scene leaves her singing, as she fades into the distance....*"Don't cry for me Nova Scotia...."...:)) Night Night...TaMarah