How are a woman's breasts like electric train sets?
They were originally intended for the kids, but Pop always winds up playing with them.


A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him in the ass with a baseball bat, then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."


Colleen is a devout Catholic, a very religious girl. She gets married, and has seventeen children, and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, has twenty-two children by her second husband, and then he dies. A few months later Colleen dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last, they're together." A guy sitting in the front says, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs."


A polish guy takes a girl to the drive-in. She says, "Do you want to get in the back seat?" He says, "Oh no. I'm staying up here with you."


There's a scream from the bedroom. The husband runs in and there's a guy leaping out of the window. His wife says, "Whaaa! That guy just fucked me twice!"
The husband says, "Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he fucked you once?"
She says, "Because I thought it was you...until he started for the second one."


A mother and a daughter are walking along the beach. The girl says, "Mom, do you think I'm old enough to start douching?" Her mother says, "Why don't you ask all the seagulls behind you?"


What do gerbils say when a homo walks into the pet store?
"Arf Arf..."


A lady says to her husband, "Honey, I want breast implants". He says, "We can't afford it. Go grab a wad of toilet paper and rub it up and down between your tits." She says, "Will it make them bigger?" He says, "It worked on your ass."


How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
Marry her.


Raji comes to the United States from India, and he's only here a few months when he gets very ill. He goes to doctor after doctor, but none of them can help him. Finally, he goes to an Indian doctor. The doctor says, "Take dis bucket, go into de other room, shit in de bucket, piss in de bucket, and then put your head down over de bucket and breathe in the fumes for ten minutes."
Raji takes the bucket, goes into the other room, shits in the bucket, pisses on the shit, bends over, and breathes the fumes for ten minutes. Then he comes back to the doctor and says, "It worked. I feel terrific. What was it?"
The doctor says, "You were homesick."