Sometimes I sit here twisted,

my mind is in a straight jacket although

I desperately want to see these cerebral

contortions as a

lotus position.

Adolph, I always wanted to call him father,

fills my mind and I wonder what would have been

if Father had not been whoring around,

picking-up diseases like coins.

I cannot let possibility drive me mad

like him–Adolph.

I remember when I went to my uncle’s

my disgust for academics was unleashed;

they sent me to Vienna.

I never thought anything would be

the answer.

Art as academia disgusted me more.

For Austrian artists, we wanted to open

our minds, praise "Neukunstgruppe"

circle secret, divine

and Gustav my stable inspiration.

Wally, I swell with apology

for societies looking-glass locked me

in prison, and it was us that suffered.

I never seduced that child; the town’s people

could not stand to see sexuality so freely

expressed between

to men,

or represented in

my stroke.

Wife–Edith–you stood by me in my

fleeting success, another termination soon

to come. You are gone;

the epidemic took you.

You succumbed and

the waves of influenza

washed over you and

our growing child.

For me it is only a matter

of time.