Some people, well yes I'm sorry to say, some women have accused other women who wear make-up of hiding behind a crusty mask. Well obviously this is a point of conflict for women in general and specifically a good problem for feminists to sort out. Makeup: a disguise, have you, that creates a filtration. What would a women need a filtration system for? This is a question who's answer has deep subconscious implications concerning the collective psyche of our society. Barbara Kruger called it: your gaze hits the side of my face. Your gaze, a man's gaze, but not only a man's. What about our gaze, women's own gaze of scrutiny? What about the way I catch myself judging myself and other women? This is painfully self-honest. Painful. What kind of deep conditioning is that? I remember doing it since I was a little girl. The way I looked at myself in the mirror. The way I scrutinized my body and compared myself unmercifully to other girls. Society trapped me in its looking glass, which became my own mirror.

   So back to this concept of make-up as a filtration system. Make-up is a shield carefully blocking gazes that want to penetrate core ego-self-center. Appearance has always been important. But in a materialistic, capitalistic society, appearance is the new religion. I catch myself succumbing to materialistic whims and desires. Are we not all products of our environment, yes? In many ways I just can't help it. I used to fight these tendencies. I would call my 15 year old self rebellious. I rejected every traditional aspect of American beauty. Everything that I loved when 1 was even younger, clothes, make-up, body obsession, I tried to shake out of myself. I did for a few years but then realized I was miserable. God I really wanted to wear eyeliner. Should I deprive myself this luxury in the name of a higher ideal? Ultimately the answer was no. Why should 1`? I like the way it looks. I like the way 1 feel. I like the way people's gazes respond to me when I wear it. Is this so wrong? These gazes would keep coming
anyway with or without the eyeliner. In a sense the eyeliner becomes a mask that separates me from the objectification. It protects me as I feel you watching me and suddenly I am watching too. Oddly I become spectator curiously aroused by my own feminity. How weird is that?

   Historically I think about make-up. Ancient Egypt and the orgasmic secrets of lipstick and blush. Yes, to some in American culture lipstick and blush are the feminine connection to the circus -a clown have you-but to me no, these applicators of beauty are intense and are to be claimed as feminine and good. An embellishment on surface yes- but female aides in attraction, allure, and often power also. Yes, the mighty orgasmic secrets of Egypt. A woman may orgasm and her cheeks and lips become red and flush, signs of womanly health. The power to enjoy the body and know its full potential. What's wrong with having these signs of health at a moment's disposal? Some people may think that the desire to wear such embellishments proves the power men have over women, in that a woman would go so far as to allure a man in this way. I say is this not an entirely womanly craft? Must it be defined within the context of patriarchy? This is a womanly art and should be respected as such.