i crave it like blood trickling down my throat in some self redeeming pain that washes away the evil as i consume my own hell i feel the faith at my fingertips the light soaring from my throat the shimmer of fire in my heart then i remember, nothing beutiful can come from me closing my eyes and focus on emptiness breathe in the solitude breathe out poisonous gas... no wonder they all left me fall back into place scream without fear smile in your pain pretend you dont notice my eyes disecting you i sing gospel hymns in the season of surplus joy all i feel is my voice straining to reach the high notes they never seemed so high i forget the purpose of singing praises to god im so sick of sitting solitary in this stupid sinking hole take a little bit more from me just a little bit more then i'll be my own hole screw this veiw you thrust on me! i dont need your opinions to grow on me, im too busy how can i sit and idle the world is turnning im trapped with my only window, my guitar and my pen i reserve them grades are my parents priority therefore mine pointless that i sit while my heart runs through dreams and skies and nightclubs and dj's and songs delayed by this this sickening schoolwork consuming me numbing my mind my heart cannot be swayed that easily i will rise like the moon to look out on thousands and sing to them their applause making everything worthwhile how exciting kissing is for the children of my time it is completion that is exploited more heavely than christmas    Realizing    Everything    Great    Really  doEsn't matTer when i think of all the pages i have used or wasted writing out my fears insecurities passions hatreds just to be ignored and pushed away i cringe no one understands even introverts get lonely a series of small untitled thoughts: figuratively slap me on the wrist would you at least lie and say im a good girl but you dont notice that that would make you too happy my entire life i have searched for a place where i could belong thank you to everyone who loved me when i didnt love them i told you my insecurities then you took advantage of them im stupid he says is this what it feels like to die? you never said i had to justify my actions i think i miss you if you only knew what your absence does to my soul maybe it was me who was lying all that time All poems this page ©1998 Krista Blower Back To Poetry This page hosted by Geocities