11/9/93

11/9/93 11/9/93

You've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself - and how little I deserve it.W.S.Gilbert

That nasty cat

sits curled in the corner,
An aura of old sins surround her,
ashes falling through light.
falling through light.

All uneven rhythms...those are the lines of life - that flux, that endless flux-

did your bidding ever make a change?

did you ever MAKE it happen?

Why so hateful? Why piles of shit in his eyes? Why phone calls are lies, what does he disguise, this DESPISE - is it lies? or desire.
Shit if I know.
I'd read your novel, hear all about your life. I'd be someone special sometime.
Sometime long gone now and I've been nearly crazy and utterly ready to back into my shell so that no part of me shows.
ESPECIALLY the part that gives a good goddam about ANYBODY else if it's not myself or someone I made.
they love me too, they need me really.
To virtually every other person alive I'm a nuisance. A pest.

It's about --. I left but 3 days later the pain he planted has not.

Not to mention CHRISTMAS! depressing me so much cause of money.

Ah my plan is set in stone. I'm a hermit 'til next year. Or sweeps anyhow. I'll imagine phone calls from -- but they won't happen. I'll just be here, waiting for the sadness to pass.

She raised children

She wrote poems
She squandered affection
drunkenly
She was everybody's fool
She sat in self-hatred
She pitied herself - and hated it.
She couldn't grow up.
She swore what she must
She lived by the water
Coming whole in its glitters
Fell apart far away

I love this. I know why I haven't written. I really have been 1/2 mad.

entry from November 1998
I Am A Proud Member Of:

Phenomenal Women Of The Web
Poems
Diary links Bitterness Night
bales law

© 1993-2004

Email me
This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page