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So I'm a pacifist. Yes. Well maybe that is because I have the most vicious imagination I have met. My natural instinct in any conflict is if I wish to win, lets elevate it to the highest extreme straight away. In war, nuke 'em. In personal conflict, kill 'em. In a fight, I'm a berserker. No, its not the rest of the world I fear. They are relatively peaceable buggers compared to me.
Most people see conflicts in endless shades and hues of grey. I'm congenitally incapable of seeing these subtle distinctions between limited warfare and total.
I used to play chess as a mental exercise. It didn't take me long to see through the "mental exercise" excuse. Chess is merely a sublimated form of bashing people over the head. I haven't played chess since. (This was before I took up pacifism. I figured then if I really wanted to bash somebody, I would use a large iron bar and a dark night, not a game of chess.)
They seem to have forgotten the book of Job. Job is probably the most interesting book in the whole Bible. God's answer to Job should be read every time you start thinking you understand this whole religion thing. Especially if you start trusting God to protect / feed clothe you according to schedule.
Yes I know the other famous text, but given the number of dead sparrows and drought stricken lilies I've seen, God's answer to Job fits in more with the reality I live in.
I bought this thing so I might see some of the last wild places in Africa and drag my (very loved), but more comfort loving wife along with me.
It was our custom before trips to pray for "journeying mercies". ie. God's protection. The first time I took it out on a test trip, the roof rack caught on a "Stop" sign hanging from a gate boom. The sign fell down and nearly removed the wrist of the gate guard.
I mention that incident because it modified our "Journeying mercies" prayer to very specifically include all those around and whom we may come into contact with or affect.
On a later trip, we were travelling towards the north coast of Zululand when a mini-bus taxi unaccountably veered across a solid white line and into the side of our vehicle.
Our vehicle, being so large and solid, enabled us to survive practically unscathed.
The minibus taxi was reduced to unrecognizable scraps of metal.
Three people had died and many were seriously injured.
Much later, I collected our things from wreckage of our vehicle. I noticed the overlap between my vehicle and the minibus was only half a foot. Six inches. Six inches between safety and mayhem.
At the very point of impact I found a little bookmark. It was one of these pretty little bookmarks you get with a text from the Bible. I can't remember the exact text, something about prayer and protection I think. It turns my stomach to look at it, so memory has faded the exact words. It had fallen out of our bible and come to rest right at the killing edge.
I keep it pinned to my office wall as insulation against all these "God will keep you safe and give you a bright new BMW too" type anecdotes.
Naturally I felt very depressed about life, the universe and God for awhile after that.
Long before the above incident I was asked if I expected God to protect me and mine from evil.
The answer then, as is now, no. The basis of pacifism to me is not that I'm protected by a superior being. The basis is evil action + evil reaction = two evils. The result is never evil action - evil reaction = no evil. In fact, history shows mostly evil action + evil reaction + evil counter action + evil revenge + evil return + evil .... = 2 * N * evil where N is a large number.
The reason why I love God has nothing to do with his creation, his gifts or his actions. The only reason to love God is that I love what he is. I don't love my wife because of what she does for me. I love her because of what she is.
I love God because I love good, I love love, I love mercy. A being that is powerful enough to create the world scares me. My experience of those who wield lots of power is uniformly bad.
The human courts of law mete out lots of Justice. All I have seen coming from Justice is an additional helping of misery being heaped on the current load. A being than lists love and mercy on his CV, above his eminent qualification in Justice, appeals to me much more.
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