Magnificent Maggie

The door I like more
Is the poop door,
Because it's the door
Made out of poop.

The Teapot-Gnome Sandal

I'm tired of excreting mice,
Bake me a cake
I'm tired of sweating lice,
Give me a steak

I've consumed my last fresh patty,
Give me some soup or a leg that is fatty,
Cus I'm bustin' down bricks
With my oatmeal sticks.

Sayonara to Sardines

I like to taste my spatula whistle,
With van sluts -
Bitches! They bristle!
Brandishing spineys,
Piercing, they prickle!

But with van sluts I ride,
Over poopstones I glide,
Devouring porpoises and 'postles that died.

The Death of Randy, King of the Salamanders

I took a picture of my pet salamander doing the splits!
Now no longer alarmed he complaisantly sits.

He grips his contraption with his twisted little hands,
That scaly mutation that lives in the can.
He twists and he writhes in so natural a lotion,
As he rides on my feces in porcelain ocean.

"I will make you a great nation"
He feigns indignation

As he tears at the ribbons I've tied to his torso.
"I am a great nation, I need not be more so."

With a cringe and a twitch I reward his devotion,
And watch him descend in a spiralling motion.

Sooty Teeth

If I put black stuff on my teeth,
It may give you the impression that
My teeth are rotten or simply not
present.
But it is not so.