I Want Your Traffic

Because I'm having serious problems with reality, and everyone else has an award to give to the worthy, I've decided to start my own.

The I Want Your Traffic Award is an incredibly prestigious award. Receiving it means that your page gets more than 20 visits per day, and I'd like some of that traffic to head on over to my site. As part of this award, I will put my lovely award graphic in your guestbook. The graphic may look like a constipated cat on a freaky background, but it's really an award. Trust me.

If you don't have a guestbook, just let me know, and I'll e-mail you the code to put it up on your awards page. A side benefit of this award is that when I publish my memoirs in paper, everyone who has my I Want Your Traffic award will get a 20% discount off the hardcover price.

Other great things to expect when you receive the I Want Your Traffic award include: shiny, healthy hair; the opposite sex will find you irresistible; your children will be born without hairlips; they shall have only 2 eyes, no more; your cats will smile benevolently upon you; your cooking will improve tenfold; you will get a raise; you will become famous; horns will definitely not grow from your skull; and you will never look upon your dog with lust. (However, if you are currently suffering from the above described conditions, or the above promises are impossible to fulfill due to circumstances, all bets are off. I'm not a miracle-worker)

By now, you're probably all excited, and want to know how you can win my prestigious award. Simple. Just E-Mail Me, or sign my guestbook. I'll look your page over, and either post up the award in your guestbook, or e-mail you with the code. If I haven't responded in say, 20 days, you didn't win.

PS: It helps if you're fairly effusive with your compliments about my page.