Diary 1

01-26-98



Have you ever felt completely justified for your actions, but guilty as hell just the same? That's what I'm going through today. I spent two hours yesterday alternately asking my boyfriend to come over, then telling him I didn't want to see him. All because he was an hour late, and I called to find out he had gone back to sleep. I really don't like it when people are late. But that's not really worth two hours of pain....perhaps I could blame PMS? I'm of the school of thought that women should not be allowed to vote because their hormone imbalances are grounds for ruling them legally insane. I fit action to belief by not voting.

I think I feel guilty for yesterday's -ahem- overreaction because it reminds me of the way his ex-girlfriend, Krisco (not her real name), acted. And I thought she was/is psycho. I swore I'd never be like her. I'm not even sure how to apologize for it....what do I say, "Sorry I lost my mind yesterday, but I still think I was right..." A valid point was made, the delivery just needed some work. (Okay, a LOT of work) And he doesn't even seem to be mad anymore, but I just know that he is.....love is a frightening thing.

Let me tell you about Alex, the other receptionist. He's also known as Hypochondriac, Complete Liar, Complete Weirdo, Retard Boy, and "Welcome to McDonald's May I Take Your Order?". Unlike him, I have opted not to wear a headset to facilitate answering the phones. He was the one who introduced the concept to our supervisor, out of a deep subconscious need to be a fast-food employee.I wasn't aware of the possibilities of degradation inherent in this job until I first saw Doogie wearing that headset. It looks like an umbilical cord attaching him to the phone, as though he and the phone are one entity; or one was about to give birth to the other. They asked me if I wanted one--I declined forcefully. When asked, I explained my reasoning, and was met with blank looks. I couldn't conceive of wearing one of those things. It would make me ponder constantly upon the nature of humans and technology, and wonder which was the more dependent on the other. Or, equally likely, it would make me feel like a bug caught in a huge spider web.

Doogie is considered my arch-nemesis, ever since he told my supervisor that I spend too much time on the Internet (Can you imaginewhy anyone would want to lie about me that way?). That's alright, we won't go into the fact that he takes imaginary vacations, while he's probably sitting at home watching soaps. And we won't even discuss his imaginary girlfriend. We'll save that for later.

Currently, he's at yet another exciting ceremony given by our employers. I think this indicates that Alex is also into masochistic sexual practices, because I don't know anyone who attends these ceremonies unless their supervisor forces them to. They're long, boring, and -unless they have some sort of ethnic food tasting afterward- completely useless. Plus, they don't give out prizes. I think that if you're going to waste half an hour listening to really boring speeches, they should give you prizes--you know, for staying awake throughout the ceremony, loudest snore if you can't stay awake, etc. The prize should be the use of a loaded paintball gun during the next obligatory-attendance speech.



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