Diary 167

08-01-98


Apparently, it wasn't ok with Dirk.

I woke up this morning and discovered that we weren't having practice, recording, or anything today, thanks to the electrical work being done on our rehearsal space. I was rather philisophical about it, as I hadn't been overly enthusiastic about recording with Roachboy anyway. Or rather, Dirk recording with Roachboy whilst I sat upon my hands.

However, I had something to pay for, and Dirk hadn't given me back my change from the night before, so I stopped over at his house to get the money from him. He was asleep, which came as no surprise. I woke him up, told him about the rehearsal space, and got the money from him. Just as I was getting up to leave, he asked me, "Where did Roachboy sleep last night?" I told him the truth. "In our guestroom downstairs." That was where the problems started.

Dirk was quiet for a minute, then asked me why we even needed to see each other later in the day, if there was no practice. That caught me in the gut. He then went on to say that he had no interest in seeing me at all until tomorrow. So, I sat next to the couch he was lying on and tried to get him to tell me what, exactly, he was so angry at me for.

He was mad that Roachboy had slept in the house, because, when he'd gotten kicked out for a couple nights, he hadn't been able to sleep in my house. I tried to explain that the only reason Roachboy had been allowed to stay was that my father's in London right now, and he's the one who doesn't like us letting people stay in the house overnight, no matter the circumstances.

I think Dirk wouldn't have been so offended by Roachboy staying inside the house if Roachboy hadn't put up such a pathetic show when we couldn't find Paul and it looked as though he'd be spending the night outside. He cried, he expounded bitterly upon the fact that he "has friends, has a job, and this shouldn't be happening to him." He then made some rather inflamatory statements about homeless people in general, claiming that 9 out of 10 of them are just lazy, and don't want to get their asses in gear to get a job and a place to live. Roachboy defended these statements by citing the fact that he works in a soup kitchen, and therefore has the right to judge.

Anyway, Dirk was in no mood to listen to me--he rolled his eyes, ignored me, asked me to leave, then went upstairs and left me sitting in the living room. I had to get to an appointment, so I didn't collapse into tears. I think I cried for maybe 2 minutes, while his mother comforted me. I was so upset because I'd made certain to clear it with Dirk. He'd said it was okay. And he got mad at me anyway, because "he'd only agreed because Roachboy was in the car."

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't have agreed to something like that if it made me uncomfortable. Whether or not the person in question was in the car. I'd have spoken right up, and fuck rudeness. People are too polite these days when they're being made uncomfortable.

Anyway, I went to the appointment, went home, and got online to check my mail. Roachboy came in, found out what was wrong, made a few sympathetic noises, and urged me to just leave all of this BS behind. If only it were that easy. We made plans to go to Georgetown (I somehow became Roachboy's unofficial Chauffer, by sheer dint of the fact that I don't mind driving people around if I'm going to get something out of it), and Dirk called.

That was a lovely phone conversation....Dirk called me a coward and dared me to spend the night out in the woods with him. I'm not a coward. I'm just cautious. Do you think I managed to smoke from the age of 11 on undetected by my parents because I'm reckless? No. I take calculated risks, and usually have pretty good results. Anyway, I agreed, just to spite him, and hung up on him.

Roachboy begged me not to go, warning me that Dirk could be asking me to go to the woods late at night so he could kill me. Now, that little thought honestly wouldn't have crossed my mind on it's own. I trust Dirk. I don't think he'd kill me. But, just because I was pissed about the way he was acting, I made a point of calling and asking him if he planned on killing me. He laughed.

So, I finished up my online shit, started to get ready to go, then decided to call Dirk up to see if he didn't want to come to Georgetown with us. 45 minutes later, I'd gotten Dirk to take back everything he'd said, apoligize for getting mad at me when I had no way of knowing how he really felt, and beg me not to go out into the woods.

Not on purpose, mind you, but that's how it worked out. Dirk went to Georgetown with us, which was somewhat of a relief because Roachboy wanted to pick up some S&M shit for himself and his New Girlfriend. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

Traffic was a bitch, and Georgetown was fucking crowded. Unsurprising on a Saturday afternoon. We had to park 6-7 blocks away from M street. Dirk directed us to Smash Records, first. Roachboy bought me a CD, then proceeded to buy a hell of a lot of stuff. And he says he can't pay me back.

I told Roachboy we didn't have much time, because traffic had been so bad and we'd parked so far off, but Roachboy took his time in Smash. Which meant that by the time he got around to looking for a S&M store, it was time for us to leave. Roachboy wanted to walk down there and have me circle around, waiting for him to come out. I don't think he understands how hard it is to circle around in DC. Huh-uh. Definitely not happening. I told him we'd go to the car, and if he hadn't seen us after 15 minutes, he was to go to the Metro station and take it back to Springfield, so we could pick him up at 7. As it took Dirk and I 20 minutes to get to the car, the question of whether or not we'd pci Roachboy up was rendered moot.

Didn't even have to pick him up from the Metro station, because he finally located Paul.

So, Dirk and I went to Springfield Mall, where I bought an air-freshener jelly jar from Bath & Body Works. These are the neatest things. They're filled with this gelatin that has scent in it...after it's exposed to the air, it slowly dehydrates, releasing the scent. The gelatin is clear, and they have stuff suspended in it...in the case of the one I bought, it was a silk flower. The scent was called "fresh linen". It was one of the few scents offered that wasn't overpowering.

Then we sat on the top of the parking garage, smoked, and talked until about 11 or so, which was when I was supposed to drop off Roachboy's shit at Paul's house.

I forgot to mention--thanks to the asshole moshers at the Warped Show yesterday, my watch is in sad shape. See, the wristband had been held together with a staple for about two years, and nothing bad had happened to it. I even came to forget the staple was there. But I suppose getting shoved around and rammed into other people was too much for the poor staple, and it gave way. Luckily, we found the watch, but not before someone had stepped on it, breaking a hole in the glass and making the hand that counts off the seconds disappear. Still works, though. But it's kind of hard on me, because I can't wear it on my wrist (the wristband is missing some key components now), and it's hard to get it in the right position to accurately tell time.

Dirk and I dropped off Roachboy's shit, along with the LP of his that I still had, and went home. Unfortunately, Roachboy had forgotten to pack one of his CD's and got me to agree to bring it to him tomorrow.

I am such a fucking sucker.


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