We got Roachboy's CD dropped off, and went to the farmer's market. Roachboy's back in N.C. now, where he belongs.
I've thought a lot about what it was like having Roachboy here. I'd say he got a fairly inaccurate view of what it's like around here. Dirk generally doesn't get that mad at me. I generally don't spend very much time depressed or in despair. I certainly don't behave as I couldn't seem to stop behaving around Roachboy--depressed little washed-out Agent Skatter. I think Roachboy was just the catalyst for all of that. As soon as he comes around, the world quits functioning with any degree of practicality, and is immediately immersed in his view of life. I'd like to know how he manages that.
It was stupid of me to give him back that LP. I know it was. He's never going to pay back the money he owes me, because he spends the stuff like there's no tomorrow. I mean, the reason he gave for not paying me back last month, as he'd promised, was that he'd run up a $600.00 phone bill. $600.00 fucking dollars! Down the fucking toilet, just like that. He's never going to pay me back now that he's got all of his stuff (or at least all of it that was in my posession) back.
I am utterly fucking stupid.
I am even stupider than Krisco.
All I can do now is trust in his good will, and hope that he comes through. I've completed all my obligations towards him....now it's all on him.
Dirk and I saw the movie Saving Private Ryan. I could suggest much better titles for this movie. Death Scenes From WWII springs to mind. As does Unbridled Carnage. The movie was 3 hours long, and I'd be completely surprised if there was more than an hour of non-violent footage in the entire movie. It wasn't just people dying, it was the bloody tide on the beach, as well as the Disemboweled Guy. He kept screaming and holding onto his guts, which were spilling all over the place. And the camera would keep panning back to him and his guts. Over and over again, making certain that we got to view his intestines from every possible camera angle.
Later in the movie, we got to watch people get blown up repeatedly, dead animals get blown up or used as cover, and two of the men daying slowly and painfully from bloodloss and internal injuries. Slowly, mind you. Smearing and/or dripping blood, coughing it up, tainting a puddle of fresh rainwater with it.
It was horrible.
And in the final battle scene, which went on far too long, we got to watch someone slowly get a knife plunged into his chest, while hearing the constant death-gurgles of a man that got shot in the throat. I think 95% of the main characters died in this. We could have called the movie Dead. Anyway, I hated it and found it disturbing. The plotline holding all of this death together was really weak, and it pissed me off.