The realization hit me kind of suddenly today. I've been dating Dirk for almost half a year. 6 months. And I'm still putting up with all sorts of bullshit from his ex. We're still putting up with all sorts of bullshit. I can't take this.
After I picked Dirk up to come to class with me this evening, I just started crying. I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried, and I didn't want to tell Dirk what was wrong with me. I don't want him to think I'm paranoid.
So I drove, tears streaming down my face, refusing to admit there was anything wrong. Dirk assumed I was angry at him and started looking as though he might start crying. This is really bad. I found out one good thing, though. His father likes me. That's good. I like his father. He's always nice to me.
On second thought, I don't want Krisco or any of her friends to run across this site. I think she would enjoy knowing how much pain she's causing me. I think she'd feel vindicated.
Dirk and I are designing the perfect symbolic tape to give Krisco. It would define exactly how Dirk feels about her. Just to cast away all doubts. The songs we've come up with so far are: "So Long" by The Suicide Machines; "Back Off Bitch" by Guns N Roses; and "Welcome to Reality" by the Adolescents. I doubt the tape will ever get made, but its fun to think about when Krisco's being more of a pest than usual.
Some of the nicest people are the ones you never meet. There's a man who sells newspapers just outside my subway station each morning. Whenever he sees me, he smiles and says, "Good morning, good morning." It doesn't matter how badly unkempt I look that morning or how bad the weather is, he always says it. And after I smile and respond in kind, he'll say, "You have a good day now." That always makes my day. I don't know his name, I never have time to stop and talk to him. But I carry that friendly smile with me all day.
I think I've managed to get back on Claire's good side. I heard her drumming up my good qualities for our boss's Administrative Assistant, trying to get me a raise. I'm glad. I like Claire, and I didn't really know how to act when it seemed she was angry at me.
Astoundingly enough, I'm actually doing pretty well in my business class. This is really odd, because I spend the entire class period writing entries for the journal or sleeping. There's some truth to the theory that it is possible to learn through osmosis. I was actually so bored in class that I tried out Dirk's suggestion of writing a poem about a love affair between a desk and a computer. It got so silly that I had to quit writing, to retain my sanity.