You might have noticed that I’m not a religious person. After all, I am in a band called God Says Fuck You. This is not to say that I don’t believe in the existence of deities. Rather, I think that all of them have the possibility of existing, much as I don’t automatically assume that movies and books are entirely fiction. I’m perfectly willing to believe that there are parallel universes with very different rules where everything we could possibly imagine happens. I much prefer the old pantheons of gods people worshipped. It’s so much easier to accept fucked-up things happening when you don’t believe in an omniscient, omnipotent god who supposedly has our best intentions at heart. The old gods were capricious, unpredictable, and much easier to relate to. When I consider the concept of a single god, I always figure [it] must be some fucked-up freak. Like that guy in Kids In The Hall, the one who would sit in his chair up high and say, “I am crushing your head!” while holding his fingers up and making pinching motions.
God really does say Fuck You – sometimes [it] says it to whole nations. I see no point in worshipping something that, if it even exists (which I completely disbelieve), is obviously as deranged as Ted Bundy. Far better to assume that no such higher power exists, and live my life accordingly.
We shouldn’t need a god to keep us from being assholes, anyway. You should be nice to people just because. You should be a good person just because. You need a reason? I think you’re fucked-up, then. Satan is just an excuse. There isn’t an opposite power that exerts his (its) influence to make people bad. If I had as much power as Satan supposedly has, I’d just be content with a beach house in Malibu and a lot of sports cars. Why bother creating hardship, meanness, etc? Honestly, a lot of religion seems to be composed of a skewed logic that even a child should be able to see through.
But that could just be me.
For myself, I used to be Catholic. The high masses, communion, confession, I did the whole nine yards. I was even confirmed, whatever that means. Then I realized that the only reason I was going to church was the sense of acceptance I felt there. My only tie with religion was the fact that I was so lacking in acceptance in all other aspects of my life (school, family, friends) that I was searching for it in a church. That’s a hard concept for a thirteen-year-old brain to wrap itself around, but when I understood, I quit going. I didn’t believe a word of what they were telling me. I just liked the singing and the fact that people smiled genuine smiles at me, instead of rolling their eyes or whispering to each other as I walked past.
If it’s what works for you, that’s okay, I guess. I never make it a point to attack Christianity or any other religion (except for those people who handle snakes. I think that’s just plain odd). The only reason I brought the subject at all is that I got another damn letter from another well-meaning person who wants to bring me back to God. It isn’t going to happen. I don’t need religion to give my life meaning, and I certainly don’t need it to dictate a certain standard of behavior. (As a side note, I masturbated all the time when I was Catholic and I felt really guilty about it, but I just kept doing it anyway. (But I’d put a piece of paper over my poster of Richard Greico so that he wouldn’t be staring at me while I was doing it). I also lied to my mother all the time because she’s really scary. Some things never change.)
Dirk’s leaving for New York this afternoon. I think I was making him feel guilty yesterday by being so honest about my jealousy. I didn’t mean to make him feel guilty, honestly. I just had to say something, you know?
I’m supposed to be going out with Aaron and the rest of the band, so I’m going to be putting off getting drunk in front of the computer ‘til I get back.
Link Because I was Astonished: Till Human Voices Wake Us… Link Because He Signed My Guestbook: The Ongoing Story of my Life
