I have had an absolutely miserable day...I swear, when my mother gets too old to take care of herself, I'm not going to put her in an old folks' home. I'm going to tie her up in the woods and wait for the wolves to get her.
I should be nicer about this...after all, it's not her fault she has serious hormone imbalances, which makes her a complete bitch. I can blame her for enjoying the fact that she's a bitch....she pitched one of her usual fits this morning, telling me that I wasn't allowed to use the car or go out at all today. Just because I had to cancel my morning work-out with Pia.
And then, she started her usual routine of complaining nonstop that my friends are using me and ruining my life. I eventually got her calmed down to the point where she allowed me to got out (Dirk had made plans for us to get together with Deb at 1:30, we ended up picking Deb up at 2:30), and left as fast as I could.
Well, I was already in a fairly bad mood, which Dirk made worse by ignoring me to talk to Deb, leaving me to drive around waiting for him to bring up where we were going. I hate playing fucking chauffer, and I don't see why I should be the one who always asks where we're going. Well, one thing led to another, and I started being obstinate when he finally deigned to address the subject (with a little prodding from me). Then he got mad, and I explained to him that I was already in a bad mood thanks to my mother. He got even madder, saying that I was being rude to "act up" in front of Deb, and I shouldn't bring my problems with my mother with me when I went out with my friends. I pointed out that he did the same thing fairly often and asked him if he wanted to go home, and he got really nasty. He said, "Fine, you take Deb home, then drop me off. I'll see you tomorrow. Or who knows, I might not feel like seeing you until Tuesday."
I got really upset then, because we'd made plans to go out tonight. I started crying so hard that I couldn't see where I was driving, and Deb finally intervened, saying that she loved us both, and there was no reason for Dirk to be so mad at me just because I was in a bad mood. Of course, Dirk took that as his cue to finally try being a little nice to me, stroking my hair and telling me to "Calm down, it'll be okay." Well, I wasn't having any of that. I told him to leave me the fuck alone. How can he treat me like shit one minute, and then try to comfort me the next? And expect me to just accept it? Even writing about the entire incident makes me start crying.
All I can think about is the way he looked at me, as if I wasn't even human. And his voice, coming low and mean, threatening me with what he knew would hurt the most. Not even my mother at her worst has ever looked at me or talked to me like that.