I woke up this morning with two huge bruises on my thigh from that ride. Too much enjoyment can be harmful, apparently.
It was a fairly normal, boring day, until I got home. Dirk accused me of not trusting him, and asked me why. I wrote Dirk a note in class explaining to him that it wasn't him I didn't trust, so much as my instincts. I now feel myself to be a poor judge of character, and when I instinctively trust someone, like Dirk, I automatically think I'm being a fool. I meant to send him the note through e-mail, because I never got around to it. I got an e-mail from Krisco (unedited, except for names):
Subj: Just A Question
Date: 98-03-30 16:31:39 EST
From: Krisco
To: SKATTERKAT
In case you don't know who this is, it's Krisco. I know you hate me, but I would like to ask you what I fear and hold to be possibly
true. Are you and Dirk dating? Dirk assures me you two aren't and gets frustrated that I could even think that. But there are so many things that are happening and Dirk's explainations don't calm me. Some of the things are: Deb's e-mail. in it she stated that she was glad I finally "got the message", then
proceeded to write
about her own love life problems. I asked Dirk about this, he
said it had
nothing to do with me.Then there's what my friend Jill saw. She
said she saw
you and Dirk kissing. I confronted Dirk. He told me all he did
was kiss you
on the forehead and was whispering things about Jill to you.
Then I was
informed Jesse saw you two holding hands. Dirk was pissed, and
asked how
could I believe shit from someone like that.Aaron also told me
at the Type o
Negetive concert you two were holding on to each other. Dirk
said it was
because he didn't want to get seperated from you in the
crowd.Other things I
have been suspicious about were the times I spent the night at
Dirk's. You
tried to tattle on me. I asked Derek why he didn't stick up for
me, why did he
insist that if I spent the night, don't come around until past
1:00. He told
me it was because if I got caught by his parents, he would get
on trouble, get
kicked out, and that would affect your livlihood and your band.
He told me not
to come until passed one because of his mother still being
awake. Whenever I'm
in his room, and you come to pick him up(this hasn't happened
lately), he
would either tell me to hide or get out of the room. He said it
was because if
you saw me, he would have to hear you bitch about it the entire
night. Lastly
the Uber Alles article in which you called him your boyfriend.
He said it was
all a big joke, and that he didn't think it would affect me that
badly, he
apologized and said there was really nothing he could do about
it because
you're the editor and what you say goes.I asked Katie if you two
were dating a
couple months ago. She said you two have been dating for 5
months. Dirk told
me she said that just to be a bitch.
After I read this, I sat there, staring at the screen for a few moments, not certain what to think. I printed the e-mail, showed it to my cousin, then cried for maybe 2 minutes. Afterwards, I got up, wiped my face off, then went to the computer. First, I forwarded Krisco's e-mail, to everyone I knew, including C--. Then, I wrote her a response. This was my response (slightly edited):
Subj: More than one answer.
Date: 98-03-31 01:00:11 EST
From: SKATTERKAT
To: Krisco
I knew it was you immediately. Dirk told me your screen name a
long
time ago.
What do you want to know? Dirk and I have been dating for
seven
months. Whenever you come up in conversation he refers to you
as "that
troll". He calls you a tramp, says he can't believe he ever
fucked you.
He also says you were lousy in bed, and gave horrible blow jobs.
Do you
want me to go on? He says this to everyone, not just me. He
encouraged
me to write that article about you. He said it would be good
for me.
He also frequently says that he wishes you would just die.
Dirk cheated on you with me about eight months after you guys started dating. This lasted until you guys broke up. He says you two broke up for the final time on August 4 or 5. He tells everyone you're delusional. He calls you a freak. Your actions have gone a long way towards supporting these claims.
On the nights I tried to "tattle" on you, he was the one who asked to drive by your house to make certain you were home. Derek was the one who asked that we search for your car to see if you were waiting to try to sneak in later that night.
He offered me the bear that you kept leaving in his room; I didn't demand it. He also let me have the locket. He asked me to get rid of it for him, because he hated it.
Thanks to Dirk, everyone within a five mile radius knows all of your personal/physical defects, nasty little habits, fears, and desires. You heard enough yet, doll?
If you don't believe me, ask Ogre (robert . His number is (deleted for privacy) Or ask Katie. She knows all about it. Or, hell, ask Jason. He was not pleased when he found out I was dating Derek. (He works at The Library, if you don't know his number) Or, ask Paul, if you know his number. The fact that Dirk and I are dating, and have been dating for quite a while, is what broke up the band and made Ken move back to North Carolina with his parents.
If what you're saying is true, and Dirk has been messing around with you (which I sincerely doubt, without more proof than the word of a girl who chased me in her car twice), my suggestion is that you stop. You're not doing anyone any good, especially not yourself. Don't kid yourself into thinking that you've paralyzed me with horror by your accusations. I don't freak easily, and I've seen more sides of hell than you could even begin to imagine, girl.
I, on the other hand, could get quite graphic in my descriptions, to the point where your head would be spinning.
If you really want the truth, call me. You know my phone number. If you honestly believe what you're saying, perhaps it would be best if we both confronted Dirk at the same time. At least then you would finally know who he values more. Hell, if you ask, I could tape Derek while he's trashing you. Do you want a copy of the mix tape he made with you in mind?
If this sounds hurtful, it was meant to be. I don't know what prompted you to write me, but you shouldn't have expected a better response. If I haven't made you run away screaming, and you really think you have the right of it, call me.
One last thought to leave you with, Krisco......who does he spend his holidays with, who does he hang out with every week-end night? It's not you. If it's not you, then who is it?
Some people say the truth is the greatest gift of all. It can also be the greatest weapon.