<header>Diary 58</header>

03-31-98


Well, I woke up this morning, after about two hours of sleep, and I ached everywhere. I walked down to Katie's house at 6:30 in the morning, to give her the extra copies of Über Alles and to see if she'd read Krisco's e-mail to me. She thought it was incredibly hilarious and pathetic. Am I the only one who got upset when they saw it, besides my cousin?

I even got a reply from C--, brief and cryptic though it may have been. "hmm...i guess she has half a brain and perhaps an ounce of wit? what do you think?....or......." I might rejoice, except that I doubt I'll hear from him again.

Deb was of the same mind as Katie: she laughed out loud when she read it. She said it was like Krisco was making up a story or something. She never wrote Krisco an e-mail, despite what Krisco claims.

I showed Dirk the note I meant to e-mail him before I showed him Krisco's e-mail. He was understandably upset by Krisco's e-mail. I believe him, despite whatever Krisco's trying to pull. She sounds too desperate in her e-mail, like she's trying to get in as much bad shit as she can in one go.

As of 11:00 p.m., EST, she still hasn't read my response. Scared to, perhaps? I heard from Dirk that she tried to kill herself a couple days ago by slashing her ankles in the shape of a "D". I've never had contact with anyone this fucked-up before. She's also trying to get Dirk to come to her first "concert", playing at a friend's party. She couldn't even hack it at her own birthday party, surrounded by her friends. Who lied to her and told her playing in front of strangers will be easier?

Anyway, I wrote her friend, B--, and told her to tell Krisco to check her e-mail. Otherwise, I might superglue my response to the windshield of her car.

I've been feeling sick all day, because of the heat, stress, and lack of sleep. I was also depressed in the evening, despite Dirk's fairly constant attention.

Something good happened, though! Dirk got me a rose! I love roses. One of the things that really depressed me about my relationship with Ken was the fact that, in the two years we were together, he never got me roses. Or flowers of any kind. It took me dumping him to get roses. And by then, it was too late.

So, I got a rose, a very pretty pink rose. The day wasn't a total waste after all. It doesn't take much to make me happy, does it?


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