It's the considered opinion of many females, myself included, that there are certain unspoken rules that are to be observed in any normal relationship. One of these is that your boyfriend does not under any circumstances, go over to his ex-girlfriend's house. Especially if she's psychotic, like Krisco. Tonight, my boyfriend broke that cardinal rule.
I got an e-mail from my best friend, Katie. Apparently, Krisco had confronted her directly after class, asking her "what the hell" was going on between myself and Derek.
Katie replied, "They're dating."
Krisco's face puckered up as if it was going to explode. "How long has this been going on?"
"Ummmmm...about 5 months."
She burst out crying in the middle of the hallway, saying, "Isn't it nice of Dirk to consider my feelings." loudly enough for everyone around to hear.
I got worried when I read the e-mail, and decided to call Dirk from school to make sure he hadn't gotten too much shit from Krisco. When his father told me that both he and his brother were at Krisco's house, I felt as though my entire world was based on quicksand. He was at her house? The whore he said he wished would go away? All this time I has assumed he respected the fact that I was not comfortable with him going over to Krisco's house, nor matter the reason. Apparently I was wrong. I wondered: what else was I wrong about?
I had my cousin call Krisco's house, asking for Dirk. When she got him on the phone, she handed the phone to me.
I said, voice shaking, "All right, explain what you're doing there."
He told me he was watching a movie (a goddamn movie!!!) and wanted to know why I had a problem with it.
I found myself on the verge of screaming. It was tensely agreed that it would be better if I called him at his house later this evening, at 9:30. I hung up on him.
I then spent half an hour outside in the cold, with my poor cousin, yelling at the top of my lungs. I think the other guy outside the school smoking thought we were some kind of drama act.
When I called at the agreed-upon time, I was tense, half expecting him to refuse to speak to me, and very, very hurt. His first words to me were, "So, what's wrong with you?"
I calmly pointed out that there was no acceptable reason for him to go over to Krisco's house.
He countered that he'd really wanted to see the movie, and added that he didn't think anyone but Krisco had it.
"What movie was it?" I asked.
"Killer Nerd"
I wanted to punch him. I'd pointed that movie out to him in the video rental place nearby just a couple months ago.
So, I quit being nice about it. I informed him that I didn't think he had any business going over to Krisco's house. That sort of behavior isn't allowed in a normal relationship; in our relationship, with the fact that his ex is obsessed with him and has made our lives a living hell at times, it could be considered grounds for justifiable manslaughter. I pointed out his claims that he wanted nothing to do with her, wanted her out of his life, and contrasted these with what he'd done. I reminded him that I'd stood by him unquestioningly no matter what claims Krisco had made about herself and Dirk. Even when she was claiming that they were still sleeping together. And, in return, he went over to her house, to watch a movie, as if nothing had happened. As if all the pain I've been through because of her meant nothing.
He cried and apologised. He said he never meant to hurt me. I don't doubt it. But my question is: how could he have not known how badly this would hurt me? How could it not even occurr to him that I would be hurt at all by his actions?
I don't really expect that much from him. All I ask is that he respect my wishes. If he cannot even comprehend what these wishes are when I tell him how I feel about certain things, what does that really say? Does he really take into account how I feel? Does he understand me at all?
Until now, the answer has, without a hint of a doubt, been yes. But thanks to what happened, a little doubt, a little fear has crept in. And in a small, small, way, this changes things.