[Ed: or "laundromat" to my colonial cousins ;>) ]
| Annie | And anyway, I says to my Bert, "Bert", I says. "Bert, we're going to have to do something about the noise from next door". |
| Simon | Sorry? |
| Shelley | Ignore her, dear! She's off again. She's always ramblin', going on about her Bert this and her Bert that. I wouldn't care but I know he's been dead for donkeys years. |
| Simon | Perhaps she's lonely? |
| Shelley | Perhaps she's loony, more like! Stupid old cow! She keeps asking me what time the bus is to Ankleys estate. I keep telling her I don't know - I don't have the heart to tell her that Ankleys was pulled down 5 years ago to make way for that new shopping centre. |
| Simon | It can't be much of a life can it, her being on her own .... (PAUSE) .... I mean, after all those years, it's bound to hit you hard, isn't it? |
| Shelley | I wish I was back on my own for all the good my bloody husband does! Bloody good-for-nothing! |
| Annie | I'm glad my Bert's not here to hear you talk like that! If there's one thing he hates is to hear a woman swear. He says it's not dignified and I reckon he's right! |
| Shelley | See, she's off again! One moment she's OK and the next she's back in 1954 with bloody rationing and gas lights! |
| Simon | There was no rationing in 1954 |
| Shelley | What? |
| Simon | There was no rationing in 1954, it had already finished. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend - it's just that I studied post-war austerity in Britain for my thesis. |
| Shelley | Proper bloody Albert Einstein, aren't you! |
| a long pause while Annie takes out her now dry clothes and absentmindedly puts them back into the washer again. | |
| Simon | Did you mean it? |
| Shelley | Did I mean what? |
| Simon | About your husband - that you sometimes wish you were back on your own, a single girl |
| Shelley | Sometimes I do. Sometimes, when he's being a real bastard, I really wish that I was single again. |
| (Annie is heard to wince at this) | |
| Shelley | Yet other times, he'll just do the simplest of things and I just know that I love him and that I'll stick by him ..... whatever he does (this seems to trigger off some thought process where Shelley admits to herself that her husband is having an affair). |
| Simon | I know what you mean... |
| Shelley | You married then? |
| Simon | No, not exactly .... (Simon is surprised and feels embarrassed at this invasion of his privacy). |
| Shelley | I see, you're just living together, are you? A trial marriage, just to see if you can get on? In my day we called it "living over the brush". |
| Annie | My Bert's sister, Queenie, lived over the brush... From the day she told him to the day that he died, he never spoke to her again. I reckon she must have broke his heart. Then again, Bert was never one to show his feelings, not to me anyway. |
| A long embarrassed silence during which Shelley's drier stops, she checks the clothes and then inserts another coin and sits back down (right next to Simon) | |
| Shelley | Look, I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to pry. Being stuck in with the kids all day drives me to tears and so when I get the chance, I just talk and talk. |
| Simon | No, you didn't upset me, I was just thinking... You didn't upset me at all. |
| Shelley | A trouble shared is a trouble halved they always say. I've always been known as a good listener. |
| Simon | No, it's OK, really. You wouldn't understand. |
| Shelley | Try me! Very open minded I am. I voted Liberal last time (for all the good that did me, bunch of stupid buggers), just you try me. |
| Simon | Well... (he hesitates a little and then after taking a audible breath, continues) It's just that I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, things seem to be getting on top of me. |
| Shelley | Is it your girlfriend? Is she seeing someone else? |
| Simon | No, no, nothing like that! If anything, it's just the opposite. She just can't get enough of me! |
| Shelley | So what's the problem? |
| Simon | ME!! She expects some commitment that I'm not prepared to make right now. I just feel that she wants something I can't give! I feel hemmed in! |
| Shelley | You sound like my husband! He thinks he's hemmed in. That's why he's out playing Jack the Lad every night. It's a good job you're not married or got kids - that's when things really start to get difficult. |
| Simon | There's no chance of that!! |
| Shelley looks puzzled at this outburst but still hasn't put two and two together. | |
| Shelley | What do your parents think? |
| Simon | (seemingly in deep thought) Sorry? |
| Shelley | I asked what your parents think of your girlfriend. Does she get their seal of approval? |
| Simon | They've never met her (Simon is definitely getting uneasy with this line of questioning). |
| Shelley | My parents wish they'd never met Pete. (Simon visibly twitches at the mention of that name). My mum warned me off him right from the start. She said he was no good but no, I knew better! I told her I'd make him change his ways, that was a laugh! Even on our wedding night, he left me all alone while he stood at the bar with his beer-swilling mates! I mean, on our wedding night of all nights! |
| Simon | We all have to live with our mistakes, that's the problem! |
| Shelley | Don't I know it! |
| A pause while Shelley lights up another cigarette (there's one burning in the ashtray already). | |
| Shelley | Still, I reckon being with Pete is better than being on my own. And anyway, I've got the kids to consider. For all his faults, Pete's a good dad to the pair of them and they'd be heartbroken if anything happened to him. |
| Another pause as Shelley goes to use the ashtray, finds the first cigarette burning there and in a moment of self-disgust, puts them both out. | |
| Shelley | You been together long then .... you and your girlfriend? |
| Simon | Two years now ... seems like a lifetime sometimes. |
| Shelley | It gets like that with me and Pete, ten years together is a long time. People change, slowly, day by day, till all of a sudden, you notice that you don't even know each other any more. |
| Annie | Me and Bert had 33 wonderful years together and I don't regret one single day of it. If only he was still here ready for the next 33! |
| At this point Annie gathers together her few threadbare clothes, shoves them into a battered shopping bag and starts to slowly shuffle towards the door. | |
| Annie | I must be off if I'm going to catch that Ankleys bus. I've got to get home and get Bert his tea ready, he likes his tea prompt does my Bert. |
| Shelley and Simon turn and look at each other and burst out laughing. Slowly they realise that they've shared more than they meant to and suddenly find something very interesting in their washing to focus their attention on. | |
| Simon's drier stops and he walks over to the machine and starts to pack the clothes into his rucksack. He turns towards Shelley and pauses as if he's got something on his mind. | |
| Simon | Well that's me finished. I'd better be off... Thanks for the chat, you were right. |
| Shelley | About what? |
| Simon | You know, "a trouble shared is a trouble halved". I won't go as far as that but I certainly do feel better. |
| Shelley | So you're going to try again? Mind if I give you a bit of advice? |
| Simon | No, not at all. |
| Shelley | Well, next time you have a row or whatever, just take a second and see if you can see it from their side. It helps, really! |
| Simon | Thanks, I'll do my best to remember that next time. |
| Simon pauses at the door and turns and looks Shelley in the eyes with an air of confession about him. | |
| Simon | It's not easy, you know! |
| Shelley | I know, pet, I know! We all have our crosses to bear and that's yours. |
| With this there comes the realisation that they both understand the true situation. Simon looks sheepish and edges out of the door. | |
| Simon | Same time next week? |
| Shelley | Sure, look after yourself till then. |
| Simon | Bye |
| Shelley | Bye |
| Shelley sits and smiles to herself as she realises that she wasn't shocked or bothered by simon's sexuality (she'd always thought she would be if the situation ever arose). Suddenly, she jumps up and rushes to the door. | |
| Shelley | GOOD LUCK! |