I haven’t written one of these in a long time and got to thinking: what better way to start a new year, than inflicting my opinion on others? Maybe family, work, sex, church, anything but this? Well, you are right of course, but unfortunately, this is what I do: think aloud. Fantasy is a wonderful place to visit. We can perform heroic deeds; rescue or murder others we deem worthy of help or harm; selfishly enjoy sex with multitudes, all of them performing and reacting exactly as we wish. We can be thin and daring and smart; we can fly, create, destroy, change into someone else. Oh yes, a spectacularly seductive place to visit. We get to do anything we want, without the first hint of consequence. I once went on a murderous spree and did not stop, until every former employer, and all the people at the IRS, lay bleeding in the street. I then soothed my rage by sitting naked in a chair, and allowing an endless line of obsequious women to kneel before me and pay homage. My ex-lovers were permitted the pleasure of watching my joy because they once had the intelligence to recognize me as the love god that I am, but because they had moved on, were denied the honor of servicing me. If you are gagging right about now, try to relax, it is a normal response. Even my own arrogance can not handle that fantasy more than a minute or so. I can only imagine how nauseating it must be for others. The reality, is that I am a man of peace who is all too aware of his shortcomings and limitations. For one thing, I can’t stand hurting people, it makes me physically ill. For another, a lot of women seem to prefer men who are taller than their twelve year old sons. Lastly, the women who excite me, could never be described as subservient. So why would I have that fantasy, you ask? Besides the too obvious answer that I am insane (have been for a very long time) and have an ego of a size to embarrass even King Kong, it is precisely because it is so different from who and what I normally am. Like all of us, my weaknesses are also my strengths; and except in fantasy, I can not change one without altering the other. Sometimes, for just a moment, I think I would like to be more assertive, aggressive, callous, and taller. No, wait a minute, cancel that last one: slow dancing with tall women in high heels is a reality I would not give up. But, I can not become more aggressive, without losing some of my patience, which has been a marvelous tool; nor could I indiscriminately “bang more babes”, without becoming insensitive enough to be comfortable using that phrase. If I may brag for a moment, (something I do all too well) I would tell you that my greatest strengths are my compassion and my loyalty. I am incapable of being much selfish. I have friends who would die for me, because they know that I would do the same for them. Ahhh, I can hear your thoughts, “how dramatic, how noble, how wonderful, how much BS does he think I can swallow?” The truth is, my closest companions know I can be counted on when they need me. This might seem like a nice quality, until you weigh the consequences. I seldom have a dime in my pocket. Eventually, I give away everything I own. I also cause my wife an untold amount of grief: someone calls in the middle of the night, and I leave. Her wants and desires, like my own, come secondary to someone else’s needs. Fortunately, my wife is strong enough to take what she wants, so she pays for my inability to say no to my friends, only half the time. The qualities which make me such a good friend, also make me a lousy husband. This is what makes fantasy so seductive: there is no balance. You can be as evil as you want, without causing any real harm; you can be as good as possible, without being taken advantage of. It is a marvelous place to visit. Just don’t try to live there, even if a lot of other people already do. I visit fantasyland often, so I am very familiar with the terrain and all the main highways. I often see people building homes there. Many of our basic truths, are actually fantasy. Most of us expect our mate to be all things at all times; to provide our every need, want, and desire, without our even having to ask. None of us are that omniscient and omnipotent, not even those of us who believe we are legends and sometimes try to be exactly that. If your spouse sometimes fantasizes about Pamela Anderson or Sylvester Stallone, are they saying your skills in the bedroom are lacking? Not necessarily, probably just the opposite in fact. People usually fantasize and think about sex most, when they have a steady supply of it, not when it is lacking. If your mate is getting hungry gazing longingly into the diner down the street, but always comes home to eat, then keep on cooking and relish the appetite. The only time this would be a problem, is if fantasy replaced reality. That applies in any aspect of life, not just sex. The most wonderful (and exasperating) thing about life, is that it is balanced: choices, consequences, success and failure. Fall in love with someone confident enough to tackle life on their own terms, and you will soon be complaining about their arrogance. The tender, responsible, care-giver, often becomes a dull doormat. Yin and Yang. The things you love most about your mate and friends and self, are probably what you, at times, most despise. We fantasize to momentarily escape these bonds, but most of us prefer to return from that shadowy realm, to a black and white land which may be colder and harsher, but is somehow more satisfying as well. Dreams, plans, goals, expectations: these are the bordering rims between worlds. Do fantasies ever translate to reality? Is it possible to live out or fulfill a fantasy? No. They are two separate worlds that can not be meshed. “But I have done it,” you say. No, you have not. What you have done is taken an idea, planned it into an actual event, then seen if it matched your expectations. But do congratulate yourself for having attained your goal. Most of us fail far more often than we succeed; and not many of us have the courage to act upon thoughts so intriguing that we call them fantasies. So if you have “lived out a fantasy,” then go ahead and crow, and call it whatever you want, you deserve at least that. I wasn’t trying to burst any balloons, just point out that reality and fantasy have no real connection with each other. If I could get away with it, would I really want to shoot the idiots who tailgate my truck? Of course not. Would I actually make love with a dozen women at the same time? Hmmm, maybe this is a bad example. Admittedly, this is a tougher question, but the answer is still no. My ego may still think I am eighteen, but my body remembers it is over forty. So why fantasize, if I can’t have it, and really wouldn’t want it anyway? For just that reason. Fantasy allows me escape; it allows me to experience things without paying the price; it allows me to try on different hats; to explore avenues that I may or may not wish to travel. I often think I want things, that I later reject. Fantasizing helps me make fewer of these mistakes. Finally, it permits me access to realms I could never otherwise enter. All of us want glimpses at what we can not have, forbidden fruit. Like children with upset stomachs the day after Halloween, all that candy may not look as appealing in the morning light. It is a lesson we often need to relearn, that sometimes more is not necessarily better. Even still, the grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. So what if it is greener because it has been covered in manure and would taste bitter? It sure is pretty to look at
©MichealWest