My date’s right hand landed squarely and demandingly on my cheek, leaving the left side of my face numb and red. The sound from her slap echoed tauntingly through my living room, and left my ear ringing for a day (unlike my telephone, which didn’t ring for three lonely weeks following that embarrassing incident). I learned another painful lesson while playing the dating game. I've written this essay for men who have a difficult time focusing on integral elements of relationships. It’s very important to consider the integrity of your date, gentlemen, because the man who stands with integrity will be the man who has a lasting relationship. The implementation of that truth proved fruitful throughout the 22 years of my dating relationships. There are two character traits that reveal a person’s integral side: respect and sensitivity. Those two traits contributed to the success of my dating life. So back away from the ball game, and take a swing at improving your dating relationship by training with respect and sensitivity.
Isn’t it common sense to respect the opposite gender in any relationship? Most respondents would answer yes. I would have answered the same if someone posed this question to me a few years ago, but my locker room mentality wouldn’t have been able to absorb the heart of the question. The fact is, I began to understand the true definition of respect only after enduring several embarrassing incidents. Allow me to explain this fact by using a truism from my life. In the past, I would woo my date into the dimly lit living room, turn on soft music, then top the mood with a calming fire, all in effort to line the playing field for my own selfish game. On this hypnotic playing-field, I positioned myself as a romantic, a friend, or a lover, but while in these positions, I never played respectfully. I understood the general definition of respect, but not the wholeness or spirit of its meaning. Ironically I learned, while sitting in my living room, that I heeded the respect associated with the roaring fire, but I didn’t respect the delicately beautiful women beside me. Respecting the enticing flames of crackling hot fire is likened to respecting the integrity and individualism of your date. Though the warmth of her eyes and the beauty of her skin entice you, they should be respected. Therefore, gentlemen, if you want to experience the most from your date--without an abhorring slap to your jaw--let true respect chaperon you.
Another chaperon for your date should be sensitivity. Sensitivity should always stay close to your side: when you’re dining, while walking along the beach, even while you’re enjoying a movie with your date. One piece of advice to heed, gentlemen, is that being sensitive doesn’t mean pretending to care when your date is overcome by emotions, or when she’s in a critical situation. Sensitivity is likened to enjoying the taste of a dark lager beer; it’s acquired. I acquired my sensitive side after a few years of dating. Allow me to share two ways a man can develop sensitivity while playing the dating game. One way is to practice the art of listening while conversing with your date. As you look into her eyes and nod your head in agreement, you’ll be reassuring her of your attentiveness in the discussion; this type of body language shows you’re listening and will develop your “sensitivity muscles." The second way to reveal your sensitive side is to sympathize with your date’s feelings. If your date breaks a nail, your natural reaction might be to ignore her pain. You might think, “How much pain could a broken nail cause?” Nonetheless, you must understand that her feelings are different from yours. In addition, you will not only be sympathizing with her, but you will also be showing sensitivity towards her feelings. That kind of sensitivity will allow your date to feel secure and, at the same time, allow you to stand as a man who courts with integrity.
Are you ready to step up to the plate? Are you ready to train diligently with respect and run with sensitivity? As you do, those two essentials will continue to develop your integral character and eventually bring you to home plate. Most of all, your dating experience will be fruitful, bringing mutual satisfaction to both you and your date.
© 1999 james olmos
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